running update

Confession: I didn't work out last night. I know I said I was going to but I got home and just wanted to sit on the couch and hug my doggie. I'm not proud of it, but it's pretty much how I've been feeling lately.

I've decided to hold off on my 10k training for now. Knowing that I have to do 5 or more miles on the treadmill negatively motivates (de-motivates? I can't think of the correct antonym) me and I end up not working out at all. I can handle 2 or 3 miles but more than that just seems like too much boringess for me. Running outside is just a totally different thing, for one, once you get so far away from home/where you parked you pretty much don't have a choice but to get yourself back there and running is the quickest way to do so, plus there's stuff to look at Cammie can come with me which are both big bonuses.

Working out tonight after work seems so much more manageable now that I am not trying to impose a 5 mile run on myself. I'm still going to run, but for maybe 30 minutes and then hop on our under-used bike for a little bit and then do some abs. It'll be a good workout and I'll be doing lots of stuff that will keep me fit and ready to pick up training for the 10k when the weather gets better and Cammie and I can get outside again.

Winter please go away soon!

happy valentine's day

I'm looking forward to 5 miles on the treadmill tonight!

298th post, an appropriate time to start over

I'm getting to the point where I am getting sick of myself again. I see my face in pictures and think it's looking a bit puffy - this makes me think of how I would look at myself before I started to lose weight and hate that I had a double chin. I am starting to not feel good about my body and not feel good about my clothes. It's not a fun place to be, and I don't want to be here any more.

I need to really commit to the 6 week plan and stick to it for the long haul. I have been too laid back with myself and it's catching up to me both physically and mentally. I don't enjoy feeling bad (and who does), and know exactly what I need to do to stop. So I'm going to.

We got a beautiful KitchenAid stand mixer for ourselves as a Christmas present, and I love it and I love to bake, but it's just not doing me any favors. I need to put the mixer into storage and get it out for special occasions only. No more of this weekly baking stuff.

I need to post daily my food and exercise. Studies show (no, not really) that I lose weight when I'm faithful about blogging, so it's got to start happening again.

I'm NOT going to be one of those people who starts out really strongly and then fizzles out and then slides into the "used to blog" black hole of failure. I'm going to reach my goals, and I'm going to show that anyone can do it - no matter how long it takes or what roadblocks come up. I've done a disservice to myself for letting the holidays and the weather give me an excuse, and the reality is that there are so many things that I want to look good for and so many reasons why I want to feel good and there are so many things I want to be able to do or do better that I just can't screw around anymore.

It's going to be tough, and it's not going to be fun. But it's not going to be the worst thing in the world either. There is delicious food that I can eat, and it makes me feel so much better than I do right now. I'm not sentencing myself to a life of misery, I'm doing the exact opposite.

Positive Changes

An exciting new series!Where I report on small positive changes I'm making to live better, be healthier and happier.

- I started wearing my glasses (almost) all the time. My perscription isn't very strong but it's amazing how much more clear and crisp everything is with them on. Plus, I think they look really good with my new haircut.

- Straightening up the kitchen daily. It's so much easier to deal with just a few minutes every day than having a humongous disaster that I have to chip away at for the better part of a weekend day.

- Cooking a lot and freezing it for multiple weeks worth of lunches. VEST has sparked an interest in cooking, and these days I want to be in the kitchen much more than I used to be, but it's good to be stocked up for weeks where I may not test something, or if what I test doesn't turn out.

- Cutting way down on the plastic and being mindful of the packaging that we bring into the house. A friend reminded me recently about all of the garbage that floats around in the ocean and converges into these massive floating garbage dumps the size of a state (I forget which one). This thought and it's impact on wildlife as well as the rest of our environment really pisses me off and makes me sad. So I finally have one of those reusable shopping bags which I am using for my groceries and also to bring stuff to and from work in. It's a small step.

- Running every day (except Saturdays). I'm working on a training schedule from runner's world to prepare for a 10k in April which will segue into training for the Utica Boilermaker (9 miler) this July. On days that aren't scheduled running days I'm making myself get out there and run even a short distance.

Salad with Falafel Spiced Walnuts, Red Onion and Balsamic Vinegar.

Although my overall behavior has been far from perfect lately, I am noticing that my behavior is changing. One of the changes that is most interesting to me is that I don't eat as much as I used to.

Before making the decision to finally lose weight, I would come home from work hungry and snack and then eat dinner or even eat two dinners. These days if I choose to snack after work I usually don't then proceed to eat dinner. I'm finding that I don't need to force myself to eat less, it just happens. I think that is pretty cool.

There is a lot about my life now that I never thought I would have or be able to do. I never thought that I would look at myself in the mirror or in a picture and not feel ashamed about what I see. Even though I don't have doubts about my ability to meet my goals, I am still a little amazed that I can now buy clothes in the "normal" section of the stores.

Probably my favorite change is the fact that I can run. For a long time I thought it would be cool to be a runner, and envied those who do. I can remember less than a year ago thinking that I would be happy if I could run the entire length of Cammie and my standard walking route around the neighborhood, which is less than a mile and a half - well I can now run twice that easily, and am improving all the time. It's a great thing.

It feels good to feel good about yourself!

I haven't quit!

Hi, sorry to have been gone for so long. Winters are a tough time for me. The cold makes it really tough to want to be outside and all the dark makes it tough to get up in the mornings.

BUT I am working on it! This week I have either run or taken Cammie for a walk every day, and it's a trend that I plan to continue. I am getting back into the trend of better eating as well, and even made the delicious soup that you can see above, which you can read more about soon on the VEST Blog.

More soon!

little things that make your day

One of the things that keeps me going during the winter months is that even though on most days the weather sucks, the days are getting longer - most days it's a modest 1 minute increase over the previous day, but every few days we're rewarded with a 2 minute increase in the amount of possible daylight (ever-present clouds permitting). It's just one of those little things that can help make your day.

Sorry for my mini absence, we had some glorious weather on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and you had better believe that Cammie and I took as much advantage of it as we could. The more seasonal weather is returning, which is ok I guess because it IS January... Yesterday and today I have been feeling a little under the weather, like I'm getting a cold - or maybe I actually have a really slight cold/virus something that just feels like I'm getting a cold, I don't know, I haven't had a real cold in at least 3 years...

Anyway, I'll be back with more actual content and motivational points (because there are TONS of them) soon. Hope you're week is going well, and if it's not - tomorrow is Friday!

don't stop, believein'

Day 2
Today's Motivation of the Day is brought to you by Valerie Bertinelli.

I came home from work today and was struggling with motivating myself to work out. I know I need to get into the habit of working out in the morning but the first day back to work after a week and a half off was not the day to do it. So I was sitting on the couch with Cammie, not really planning on working out (even though I had put my workout clothes on) when one of Valerie Bertinelli's Jenny Craig Commercials came on, I think she is so much more sincere about her weight loss and her success than Kirstie Alley and it is very inspiring, seeing her talk about meeting her goals gave me that little push that I needed to get on the treadmill. Thanks Val!

In general, it's tremendously inspiring and motivating to see the success of others. It makes me think of how great it feels to set a big goal and meet it. Thinking about feeling accomplished, fulfilled and that awesome sense of closure one gets when a big goal goal is met or obstacle is overcome really gets me focused on meeting my goals.

A quick note about food: I had Susan V's Green on Green soup for lunch today, one of the three soups I made this past weekend to freeze and stock up on for the next few weeks. This is the second time I've made this soup, and while it came out a bit differently this time - it's still delicious! Definitely try this one!

Goal Weight in '08

Day 1
Today I had a good day, great food and an awesome workout and just a little bit of temptation. :-)

For as much of January as I have topics for, I am going to focus on things that motivate me. Today's motivation point is clothes... I know it's shallow but it's one of the things that has motivated me all along and is something that continues to do so.

In 2003 or 2004 (I'm sorry I can't remember), when a good friend got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, I tried to lose weight and was sort of successful because I knew that I'd be the biggest bridesmaid but I didn't want to feel totally horrible about it - fitting into that bridesmaids dress was a big motivational factor for me.

When I first started ETL all I could think about was being able to buy regular clothes. I couldn't comprehend what it would be like to become a runner or all of the attention I would recieve for losing the weight, but I could relate to how good it feels to buy clothes that you really like and feel great in them. It had been a long time since I had felt that way and I was eager to get that feeling back.

I've had to shop in the plus-size stores/departments since I was a young teenager, and I've always wanted to be able shop in the "normal" stores and look ok in the "normal" fashions. In some cases I can do these things now, but I am at the upper limit of being able to do so - it's surreal to go into a store and be able to pick up a blouse in the "Ladies" section and have it fit, I never think it will and I end up surprised every time. I need to reach my goal so I can shop in any store that I want to and not worry if the clothes will fit me.

Clothes motivate me because I want to stop window shopping and start actually wearing.

I did not have the most successful holiday season diet wise. But I'm not going crazy over it. I'm also not too upset over my lack of progress since getting to the -100 mark.

Why? Because even now, after gaining some pounds back over the holidays I know that I am in better shape than I have been in my entire adult life. See above, that's me when I was a senior in high school - noticeably bigger than I am now. I also know that I have the tools and drive to be able to lose the holiday weight plus that last 50ish pounds to reach my goal weight.

It is going to happen.

getting back to business

a little motivation

I'm sure many of you have seen this already as it was one of those featured stories on Yahoo today, but I found it to be very inspirational.

If in your past you experienced cold (or hot) weather as a deterrent to working out, this season holds the opportunity of a lifetime for you.

Make this year different. Adopt a true athletic archetype and feel your desire for fitness success emerge. You can use old obstacles as opportunities to gain strength - mental and physical.

Breaking through – that is your focus.
Not giving up – that is your motto.
Making your training a priority rather than a dispensable activity – that is your goal.
"Success is only a word, but achieving it is a lifestyle."

Make the decision - that’s what you have to do first. Decide that you want to maintain, begin, or improve your training this winter, then take steps to support (and reinforce) your decision.

Then, don’t give up no matter what. Act and think, in all areas of your life, like the athlete you want to be (and look like). Making your health and fitness a priority will be the best gift you give this winter to you and everyone else in your life.

"Try These Cold Weather Workouts" Debbie Rocker

This really helps me feel motivated to eat the right food today and make sure that I get my workouts in tonight... actually I wish I could go out for a run right now!

"You're a runner now"

Webster Turkey Trot, ~4.4 miles, 11/22/07Sunday night: I check the weather for Thursday, there’s a chance of rain and the high temperature is predicted to be 51. The chance of rain isn’t ideal, but at least the temperature is going to be decent.

Monday: Thursday will now be in the low 40’s. Slightly more chance of rain. Great.

Tuesday: Temp will be in the high 30’s. It’s going to rain. Am I cursed?

Wednesday: It is currently pouring outside and tomorrow it’s going to be raining and snowing. Temperature between 9 and 12 is predicted to be in the low 30’s. Oh, and there’s also a winter weather advisory from 4am to 4pm. Do I even have the right gear for that kind of weather? I’d better go get a wind/rainproof jacket.

Thursday, 7:00 - It’s raining out but the temp is in the upper 30’s. That’s not too bad. I think I can get away with my technical shirts and my new coat – I won’t wear the fleece I had also thought I’d need.

8:00 – Breakfast. Greens & beans.

8:30 – Get dressed: short sleeved tech T, long sleeved tech shirt (with sleeves that turn into mittens), good running pants and another pair of pants over them. Grab new jacket and fleece headband on the way out the door. It is raining really bad. Cammie wants to come with me but has to stay home 

8:50 - Driving there I wonder if I haven’t bitten off more than I can chew. Am I really ready for this race? Can I do it? I decide that I can. Last week I ran 4.25 miles and felt decent, just a few days ago I did 3.1 miles on the treadmill in just about 35 minutes. I’m prepared for this. But I still feel a little nervous.

9:15 – Arrive at the race. By the time I get my timing chip and head into the lodge to grab some safety pins I’m shivering. Fantastic. I spend most of the rest of the time before the race standing under the side of the lodge just trying to stay out of the wind and the rain. I wisely decide to go to the bathroom and when I come out there’s about 10 minutes before the race starts, I need to make my way to the starting line. My pants are pretty wet already…

9:58 – There are about 1500 people running today between this race and the 2.5 miler that I thought more than once I should have signed up for instead. But nervous as I was, I start up my ipod and get pumped. I am ready for this and I just want to start running already!

10:00 – Finally! We’re off. With all the people, it takes a while to get sorted out so there aren’t so many people around. The race starts off down a hill and then right back up and around a corner. I know I just need to keep going and I’ll be ok.

We run along the lake for a bit, it’s still raining and windy but doesn’t seem so bad now that I’m moving and generating heat. The main pack of faster runners finally gets far enough ahead of me that I can run without too many other people around me but I can tell that this race I am going to have at least some people near me, which is good to keep me motivated. I choose another runner who is a little bit ahead of me and tell myself that I’m not going to let her get away. We round the second corner and I take a quick look behind me. There’s a respectable number of people that I can see behind me and that feels good.

Before I know it I pass the 2 mile marker. It’s felt like a very short amount of time and I feel strong. As we head down the road I pass the runner ahead of me that I’ve been keeping in my sight, wooo!

And it’s mile 3… “Almost there! Well, just barely” I think and I feel so good that I try to kick up the pace. I don’t know if I really did but that’s ok. We head back toward the park and somewhere along the like my running buddy passes me again. It’s ok… but I’m not going to let her get away.

We enter the park and I know it can’t be too much further. We follow a park road around and go up another hill “keep going keep going keep going” I think to myself when I make it to the top. We round a bend and I can see the beginning of the “off road” portion I had heard about. It’s rained here for the past two days so I’m prepared for mud. We try to get down the short hill as fast as we can without slipping too much on the mud, cross a little bridge and then it’s still muddy and puddle-y and slippery but at least its still flat.

I do my best to stay out of the really muddy areas as we run across the field. I get so preoccupied that I forget how close we must to be to the finish line, until I look up and there it is! At this point I don’t care about avoiding puddles or mud. I take a straight line toward the finish (which surprisingly wasn’t too slippery) and splash through puddles and get totally dirty soaking wet feet and cross the finish line feeling completely awesome.

There’s no big clock at the finish line so I’m not sure what my time is but I’ll be able to guesstimate my time. It takes a few minutes to get back to the car. I take care to walk through as many puddles as I can in the parking lot to get the mud off my shoes. When I get to the car I put the keys in and it’s 11:01. It’s been easily 4 or 5 minutes since I finished… I’d be happy with 56 minutes!

And that’s the time I’m going with. I checked the race organizers’ website this afternoon to see my real time and due to all of the rain and mud, my finish didn’t get recorded. It’s ok though because I’m much more interested in feeling strong throughout the race and just running my best.

After the race I went over to my boss’ house for some tea, she had run the race as well but is a much faster and more experienced runner than I am so we didn’t run together. As I was on my way out to go home we were talking about how this race is a tradition and I mentioned how I know I can run in pretty much any weather now that I made it through this stuff and she says, “Oh yes, you’re definitely a real runner now.”

This Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for all of the usual stuff (a great family, awesome friends, Cammie, etc) but I am especially thankful for my new(ish) body and athletic abilities; it just feels so great to be able to do these things that not so long ago I never thought I would do.

Friday Check-In

So this morning I am back down to where I was the last time I posted my weight (198), which is good :-) BUT I have the rest of today and all Saturday and Sunday before I "officially" weigh in on Monday morning. I am very committed to sticking to my challenge plan so I don't have to drive hubby's winter beater to work for a week... if it's not a Mini, I really don't want to drive it, I guess I am a snob like that!

Germaine posted a comment about craving bread-y types of things lately and I can completely understand what that's like! For some reason lately I have been wanting rice or a sandwich or something along those lines quite frequently. I know that this craving is related to my non-ETL detour and remember how that lingering desire for bread stuck around a lot longer than cravings for other things did. Other than salt, I think that giving up the refined grains was one of the toughest things for me to get over initially.

I now know that I can live (happily too!) without them. Sometimes you just get tired ot have a bad day and want to revert back to those old comfort types of food though. I have noticed though, even in just this past week, that those bad days are greatly diminished when one is working out and eating well - good reason to stick with the plan.

I'm trying to think of something tasty and nutritious to have for lunch next week, since it's a short work week it doesn't have to make too much, but I am kind of getting tired of eating a cold salad at every single meal. I've been craving garlicky greens & beans for a while now, I think that would be a good option, plus it's kind of like warm salad which means that it'd be the best of both worlds.

"don't get cocky"

Thank you to everyone who has commented this week, your encouragement has been very very encouraging!

I am happy to say that I am 1/2 way through losing the weight (obviously a lot of it was water weight) that I put on in my 2ish weeks of not caring/business trip in San Francisco. Say what you will about losing water weight and that it's not actual loss of fatty tissue and all, but it does feel good to step on the scale in the morning and see the scale going down. This kind of thing is what I need to feel re-dedicated. It makes me look forward to seeing new "lowest adult weight ever" numbers in the near future.

Food for this week has been smoothies for breakfast (except for this morning, I had carrots because I just didn't feel like making one). Hubby found me some frozen no sugar added mandarin orange segments which I've been putting in my smoothies for a little something different. I need to get into the habit of putting at least an ounce or two of kale into my smoothies for the added nutrient punch.

Lunches and dinners have been salads, lunches have been salads because we've had a series of business lunches with other colleges this week, and dinners have been salads because, well, I really really like my lettuce - red onion - walnut - bleu cheese - balsamic combo.

Running! The Turkey Trot is a week from tomorrow and I'm feeling good. I'm slower than I'd like to be but I think that as I continue to train and lose weight I will get faster. No matter what, it's cool to think that I can now go out and run 3 or 4 miles continuously when just this past summer I was running in 3 or 4 minute time blocks.

I'm not dead yet!

Tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment and I know I'll have to step on the scale. At that realization, the past two months of waffling around not being able to stick to the diet came crashing down in an avalanche of self loathing. I really have to work more on my self control and committment to being healthier and sticking to this way of living and eating.

The only thing that I've kept up with has been running, but even with that I've allowed myself to skip runs all to easily.I've just felt burnt out about spending so much time cooking and preparing food each weekend, I haven't felt like I have anything worth writing about lately either. I've just felt sick of trying and just want to go with the flow.

BUT... I don't want to go back to feeling horrible all the time and bad about myself. I want to be happy and feel good. I want to stop feeling so lazy and be full of energy and I want to know that I am putting 100% into achieving my goals.

So it's time for a challenge. A challenge that will get my confidence back and my spirits up that I can meet. There are 10 days from tomorrow to the day before Thanksgiving. I will eat perfect ETL (with the exception of the 1/2 oz of bleu cheese on my dinner salads) for those 10 days and will make all of my planned runs (Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday) and will walk Cammie (or use the treadmill) and do Yourself!Fitness on the non-running days. Hubby will keep me accountable and as a penalty for not completing the challenge I will have to drive his winter beater to work for a week and not my beloved Mini.

I feel better about myself already.

quick and random

Thursday:
Breakfast: Smoothie (Spinach, Mandarin Oranges, 1/2 banana, strawberries, flax, water)
Lunch: 1/2 blueberry bagel, curried split pea soup with greens
Exercise: Will Run - speedwork
Dinner: Will eat Salad (lettuce, red onion, walnuts, balsamic, bleu cheese), raw brownies
Fuhrmometer: 8ish - eggplant-ish

I weighed the bleu cheese that I put on my salad last night, it was just barely 1/2 oz. I really don't feel bad about it - at least diet wise...

I had a really good run last night, 50 minutes with no walking! Running with my ipod shuffle has made a big difference. I am looking forward to tonight's run too - it's been a stressful day!

Today's weight: 197.8 (I think, it may have been 197.6 but I can't remember for sure and I'm all for under estimating).

Hi.

So, I haven't been as bad as my absence would indicate. I have been trying to be good (usually breakfast and lunch are ok) but then lose my momentum for dinner. This morning I was at 199.6, so while I am up I'm not up too much, and a lot of it is due to salt. So I'm confident that I can get back into new weight loss territory soon.

And I feel myself coming out of my funk. I decided that even though it's not the best thing to do for a variety of reasons, I am going to put a little bit of the bleu cheese on my salads. If it's what gets me excited about eating the salad for dinner instead of real bona fide junk; it's what I'm going to do for the time being.

I haven't felt like I have anything to say lately, but I will make a better effort to post more often. I know that when I am better about posting I am better about everything I need to do to lose weight, and I really want to get my s%*t back together.

things to work through

I'm struggling.

This happens to me after I meet a milestone for some reason and I don't really know why, I have a hard time (to say the least) maintaining my momentum and end up floundering for a while until I get sick of it and get a renewed sense of motivation and get back on track.

I'm sick of the cycle. It took me 3 months to lose the first 50 pounds and then a year to lose the second 50. I don't really want it to take me another year to lose another 50. I know that as I continue to lose weight the weight loss will slow; but I'd rather it slow and still be working on it instead of it not going anywhere because I can't stick to the plan.

I'm in a sick of salad mode. Well, actually I would eat salad if I could have my favorite romaine/red onion/walnut/blue cheese/balsamic combo - but I know how bad cheese is for me and the salad just isn't the same without it. Is it ok to have just a little bit of the blue cheese with my salad if it's helping me get my greens in? I just don't know. Part of me says that a small amount of the cheese is ok if it means that my diet otherwise is on point, but the other part of me doesn't want the cheese. I know there are other salad combos, but nothing is getting me excited about eating my salads and I end up finding a way to avoid them - which is not good.

The holidays are starting - there are lots and lots of food-related events and celebrations happening now and they'll continue into December. I don't want to put my weight loss on hold this year like I ended up doing last year. I want to keep going and find myself in January weighing less than I do now. I'm not sure how to strike the balance between staying faithful to my weight loss goals and not feeling like I am depriving or ostracizing myself.

I read the first couple of pages of the Pleasure Trap yesterday (finally) hopefully it'll be just what I need as the season of eating begins.

And on a positive note - the jeans I just got 2 weeks ago are too big, I should have gotten a smaller size but it didn't even occur to me to try on a smaller size while we were at the store. I wear them now and I need to wear a belt with them, which is slightly frustrating but definitely cool.