things to work through

I'm struggling.

This happens to me after I meet a milestone for some reason and I don't really know why, I have a hard time (to say the least) maintaining my momentum and end up floundering for a while until I get sick of it and get a renewed sense of motivation and get back on track.

I'm sick of the cycle. It took me 3 months to lose the first 50 pounds and then a year to lose the second 50. I don't really want it to take me another year to lose another 50. I know that as I continue to lose weight the weight loss will slow; but I'd rather it slow and still be working on it instead of it not going anywhere because I can't stick to the plan.

I'm in a sick of salad mode. Well, actually I would eat salad if I could have my favorite romaine/red onion/walnut/blue cheese/balsamic combo - but I know how bad cheese is for me and the salad just isn't the same without it. Is it ok to have just a little bit of the blue cheese with my salad if it's helping me get my greens in? I just don't know. Part of me says that a small amount of the cheese is ok if it means that my diet otherwise is on point, but the other part of me doesn't want the cheese. I know there are other salad combos, but nothing is getting me excited about eating my salads and I end up finding a way to avoid them - which is not good.

The holidays are starting - there are lots and lots of food-related events and celebrations happening now and they'll continue into December. I don't want to put my weight loss on hold this year like I ended up doing last year. I want to keep going and find myself in January weighing less than I do now. I'm not sure how to strike the balance between staying faithful to my weight loss goals and not feeling like I am depriving or ostracizing myself.

I read the first couple of pages of the Pleasure Trap yesterday (finally) hopefully it'll be just what I need as the season of eating begins.

And on a positive note - the jeans I just got 2 weeks ago are too big, I should have gotten a smaller size but it didn't even occur to me to try on a smaller size while we were at the store. I wear them now and I need to wear a belt with them, which is slightly frustrating but definitely cool.