I'm BACK, baby!

Today:
Breakfast: Smoothie
Lunch: Blended Salad
Dinner: cashews, Green Machine Soup, Pumpkin Pie Smoothie

Exercise: TWO 30 min walks with Cammie, 30 min Yourself!Fitness, carried all the kitchen cabinet doors up to the attic.

Fuhrmometer Reading: Kale

Thank you to everyone who left encouraging comments in the last few days. I never gave up but it did take me until today to get back to Kale. Monday and Tuesday were decent days but I didn't have excellent dinners. Today felt really good; and the Pumpkin Pie smoothie was so delicious, a great reward for a good day.

Libby came up with a great challenge to help get through the holiday season. There are a bunch of people on the Dr. Fuhrman member center already signed up. Here's how it goes:

"Each person goes about their day and records what they eat on their blog (or at the forum). When you don't have a perfect day, you have to pay the piper.

Your "days" can be measured according to Nicole's "Fuhrmometer". A Kale day is a perfect ETL day. A cookie day is a day filled totally with junk.

Kale days cost nothing
Broccoli days cost $1
Eggplant days - $2
Lentil days - $3
Blueberry days - $4
Potato days - $5
Brown rice - $6
Cashew - $7
Cheese - $8
Cookie - $9
On any given day, for each 30 minutes of exercise, you can earn back $1. (In other words, if you had a lentil day but exercised for a half hour, it would only cost you $2)"

So since today was the first day of the challenge and I had a Kale day; my tab is $0. This is a fun way to stay accountable during the Holidays. Please join in - the more the merrier!

week 24

Today:
Breakfast/Lunch: doritos, ice cream
Dinner: cashews, green machine soup, apple pie

Exercise: 30 min walk with Cammie, 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill

Fuhrmometer: Cashew


Well I had a crappy week and I paid for it. Up 4.4 pounds. I think that some of it is "real" weight and some of it is water weight. It doesn't really matter what it is; it's there.

I said something to hubby last night about being sick of junk. And I am. But for some reason this morning after having a really great workout I decided to blow the day by having the junkiest of junk for breakfast/lunch. It sucks. I really wish I had a time machine so I could go back in time and just make a smoothie...

It is so tough for me to have this kind of food in the house. I wish I had more willpower. I need to work on having more willpower. I don't want to be weak and give into the junk that I have access to. I want to have more willpower.

A positive note for today - my workout was awesome. I felt great and did a bunch of continuous running on the treadmill, something that I haven't done in a long long long time and something that felt very good. I think that it'll be something that gets better and better as I lose more weight and stick with working out. It really has helped the whole day not feel so bad.

'tis the season (of temptation)

This week turned out pretty bad for me. I really need to work on willpower especially because December is a month that revolves around food as much as it does shopping and gift-giving. In the next month I will have hubby's birthday, at least two and possibly 3 work related functions, as well as Christmas. That's a lot of opportunities to go astray, and this week and my time in Boston have shown me that I give up on the week all too easily and just say that I'll be back on the horse the following week. I don't want to do that.

I wrote a few weeks ago about wanting to really live the "food is for nutrition" mantra. It's not for lack of believeing in it because I do, very much. It is a hard thing to do to change the way one associates with food, for so long I have been conditioned to link food with socializing, comfort, celebration etc. It's very hard to erase those things and remember when you are facing your (old) favorite foods or are mentally and physically stressed out and exhausted. I am going to have to think about some way to actively change the way I associate with food so that I can stop falling off the wagon so completely that I have to run behind it for a week to catch back up.

So my goal for the holidays will be to approach things with the understanding that it is ok to have an off plan meal once in a while as long as it is at least partially sensible and that I won't let one meal turn into one day turn into a whole week. I also will think of ways daily to really start working FOOD IS FOR NUTRITION into my thinking.

I'm glad I'm realizing these things now instead of at the end of December. I think that as long as I keep these goals in mind I can have a successful month.

thinkin...

This week I have had a lot of compliments from my students at work and other people that I don't talk about my weight loss too. It's nice that people are noticing, and I am really beginning to see a difference in myself when I look in the mirror. It gets me thinking about where I'm headed and also keeps me committed to my goals.

When was the last time I weighed under 200 pounds? This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Until I started ETL I was never a fan of the scale. I preferred not to know. I can remember going to the Doctor's office and not looking when they weighed me. There are two instances that I can remember that lead me to believe that the last time I was in the 200 pound range I was in middle school (ages 12-14).

It sounds like a lot for a 13 year old to weigh 200 pounds. And it is. The thing is I'm pretty sure I stopped growing when I was 12 or 13. (Isn't that normal for girls?). When I think about my body at 200 pounds it's kind of weird because for so long I've been significantly higher than that. So to be this height and 200 pounds I can sort of see happening in middle school.

My first memory is kind of an unfortunate one. I have many memories of being picked on or made to feel like an outsider because of my weight, some of them still bother me sometimes (although not as much now that I am doing something about it) but most of them don't. I can remember in 7th grade waiting at my neighbor's locker so that we could walk home from school together and the boy that had a locker close to her would harass me every day. I can remember him saying "Nicole how much do you weigh... 200 pounds? 400 pounds?..." And I was mortified that he was right (not that I ever responded to him or let on). Later on in high school the same boy turned out to be rather nice after he started smoking pot... I'm sure he's forgotten about all of this, and I have too for the most part.

When I was in 8th grade I tried out Weight Watchers with my Mom for some sort of 6 week thing or something along those lines. I can remember losing weight on their plan and dipping below 200. For some reason it didn't stick and when I went back up I can remember it being a horrible feeling. After the 6 weeks or whatever were over I didn't try to keep it up and so the weight crept back on.

So it has been 13+ years since I've been in the 100's. What does that mean? Not too much except I have had this weight problem all of my life and when I do get down into the no longer obese category, life will be a very different experience. I don't plan to let knowledge of my past stop me or hinder me in any way. I know that I can achieve what I've set out to do.

Delicious & Nutritious

As promised, the new and improved soup recipe:

Green Machine Soup with Curry
4 cups low sodium veggie broth
1 large white onion, quartered
4-6 garlic cloves, crushed and roughly chopped
2 tomatoes, chopped or 1 15 oz can of no-salt added tomatoes
2 cups of mushrooms, chopped (I used baby bellas/cremini's)
8oz kale
8oz bok choy
8oz broccoli rabe
1 lb green lentils
1/2 bag frozen green beans
1/2 bag frozen broccoli or broccoli & cauliflower
2 Tbsp Curry Powder (or to taste)

1. Combine broth, onions, and garlic and tomatoes in a large pot. Add kale, broccoli rabe, and bok choy on top of the broth mixture. Cover with a lid and simmer until greens are wilted.
2. While broth and greens are simmering, cook lentils with 1 T Curry Powder and portion out into 1 cup portions.
3. Blend curry powder and wilted greens and broth until smooth, return to pot and add mushrooms, green beans, and broccoli. Simmer 15 - 20 minutes to cook mushrooms.
4. Ladle soup over lentils, eat or store for later in the week.

*Optional: add Braggs liquid aminos and/or some soy milk to soup to taste. When I defrosted and made this weeks soup I added too much curry powder... it's a little bit stronger than what I put in the other night. I think that starting with a smaller amount (reccommended above) and increasing the curry to taste is a good idea.

Catching Up

-3.8 pounds from 2 weeks ago (my last official weigh-in and -71 pounds overall. Pretty good! The challenge this week will be to stay on track with 2 Thanksgiving dinners... I can do it though. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday will all be Kale days with Thanksgiving's on Thursday and Saturday. It's a plan ;-)

-71 pounds finally seems like a lot of weight to me. I know it's silly to think that but it does. The other super awesome thing is that I'm in the 220's now, which is still a lot but also still lower than I have been since sometime in High School. I'm really waiting for -75 because that's a mini-milestone and -80 which will be a milestone because I'll be 50% of the way there. It will be nice to see -80 by the end of the year but it will be interesting to see how the holidays go. I know that if I can make most of the days Kale Days then I'll probably be fine.

Sorry I haven't been so consistent in the last few days. I think that at this time of year it's tough to find time for everything and things like blogs get pushed aside all too easily. The other thing is that I feel very confident in myself with my weight loss efforts right now. I've got eating under control - I know that Kale days are really rather simple (not necessairily easy) to attain and when I'm feeling good then I am working out right and I see good results. So while I may not be posting every day (I'll try to though) I am always working toward my goals.

Other big news, yesterday hubby and I went to the outlet mall (that's not the big news but here it comes) and for the first time ever I purchased clothing at the Gap. I got 4 pairs of pants at very good prices at the Gap Outlet and it was sooo cool. The pants are in the "I can get them on but they're still too tight to be able to wear to work" phase right now but I DO fit in them and I know they will only fit better with time. It was definitely a different (and good) feeling to go to the mall and have so many more stores that I can shop in, and as time goes on the amount of stores will increase... it really makes me feel like a "normal person" instead of a spectacle.

I'll post my updated version of the new and improved Green Machine Soup tonight!

The Pardoning of the Soup

Thursday:
Breakfast: Smoothie
Lunch: Blended Salad
Dinner: Green Machine Soup, microwave popcorn

Exercise: 30 min AM walk with Cammie, 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min PM walk with Cammie

Fuhrmometer: Eggplant/Broccoli

Ok, so I had one last bowl of the dreaded Green Machine Soup that I was going to make myself eat and then throw away the 2 big containers I have of it in the freezer. Well, I decided to throw caution to the wind (hehe) and try putting some curry powder in it... as suggested by "Anonymous" on Tuesday's post. I stirred some of the curry powder in and also about 1.5 teaspoons of Braggs and was already much more excited about the soup than I previously had been... it smelled amazing! I told hubby that this soup may still have a chance because if it smells that good then hopefully it will taste good. When I took that first bite it was like eating a completely different soup!

So I've decided NOT to chuck the remainder of the soup, I am going to cook up the rest of it with curry powder. I was going to make something else this weekend to throw into the mix for some variety but I am in love with this soup now - so healthy and [now] so tasty! Plus the less time that I have to spend in the grocery store with everyone else clamoring for Thanksgiving fixins the better ;-)

So thanks, "Anonymous at 11:38am" for the suggestion!

wednesday

Today:
Breakfast: Smoothie
Lunch: Blended Salad
Dinner: cashews, rice noodles with garlic spice, broccoli

Exercise: 30 min walk with cammie, a few minutes of Yourself!Fitness and bike

Fuhrmometer: cashew/lentil

Well I don't think that today was really as bad as cashew but I didn't do very well with my workout this morning and the spice stuff that I put on dinner had too much sodium in it... so I just upgraded myself to cashew/lentil.

I peeked at the scale this morning, and I am down from what I was at on my last official weigh day which is awesome. Hubby was quick to remind me (not that I wouldn't think the same thing) that just because I am down it doesn't mean that I can haul off and have a week off plan without consequence. I agree, but it's not like I'm not paying for it. I am seriously off my game with getting up in the morning and working out and I've been having a lot of cravings. Cravings suck. Feeling like I haven't given my all with my workouts sucks. I am suffering the consequences. At least I have the weight loss to keep me going :-)

Thanks to everyone who weighed in on the soup dilemma. I think that I will have it tomorrow night for dinner and Friday's dinner will be out for my Grandpa's birthday. Saturday I'm going to make something else for dinners next week - I am thinking an ETLized version of Boca Italian Sausage-Barley-Veggie soup or some more Spicy Red Lentil soup... maybe both!

the cupcake conspiracy

Today:
Breakfast: smoothie
Lunch: blended salad
Dinner: 1/2 bowl Green Machine soup, corn, cashews

Exercise: short walk with cammie, 30 min with Maya, 30 min bike

Fuhrmometer Reading: Kale (low Kale)

Today was a tough one. I didn't feel like getting up but I did, it was raining again so Cammie and I took a short walk and then came back. I was going to finish my workout before work but I ended up going back to bed. It was worth it.

THEN at work it was the day of cake. We celebrated 3 birthdays with cake for one person and cupcakes at our staff meeting for the other two. I didn't have any but after staring at those cupcakes for an hour at the staff meeting it was tough not to want one.

I have tried to like the Green Machine Soup - and I have a ton of it so I really don't want to be wasteful, but I just don't like it. I ate what I could for dinner and had some corn. I still haven't decided if I am going to be a trooper and eat the rest of it or not... I have a few other things that I am looking forward to making and just wish that stuff were gone!

I am happy that I did my workout this evening and that I resisted temptation. It was a tough day but I'm glad I didn't cave or quit, I'm happy with me today. This is something I know I can do every day.

Today:
Breakfast: smoothie
Lunch: blended salad
Dinner: Green Machine Soup, cashews

Exercise: 30 min walk with Cammie, 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min bike

Fuhrmometer Reading: Kale

Awesome! Back on track! Today wasn't easy, there was a lot that I wanted that I didn't give in to. Luckily, none of it was in front of me or at my house so that helped a lot. Right now I wish I had something sweet (even the stuff for a pumpkin smoothie)...

Somebody (the lovely PortlandBound) posted this link on Dr. Fuhrman's site recently. It's a must-read for anyone who is working to lose weight, become healthier, or make a change in their life. The reader's digest version of the post is that it's better to make goals that are based on your behaviors and not seeing a particular number on the scale by a certain date and to also measure success daily. If I do everything right today then GOAL! Take it one day at a time and just try to be the best you can be on that day. I think this could be a key to making lasting lifestyle changes.

It's not always easy; but taking it one day at a time makes it that much easier.

climbing back up...

Well I was supposed to be back on plan today. It didn't so much happen. I feel bad about it and I feel bad about myself right now. I did throw away some stuff in the house that was tempting me so hopefully that will help. I will be much better tomorrow.

No weigh-in today. I've decided not to weigh myself this week and give myself a week of better behavior to counteract the damage I did last week I may be even able to get down a pound or two from where I was before I went to Boston. I'm not holding my breath about it but it would be nice.

I was watching this week's Biggest Loser and realized how much I want to lose the weight again. It seems like there are so many people (on the tv show and also out in the blogosphere) that are close to breaking out of the 200's into Onederland. I want to be at that point too. I really really do. SO badly. I know that I can make it there and like I said the other day I no longer feel the need to make it there right away but I would like to feel that I am making steady progress toward it again, and I don't feel like that as of late.

Why did the first 50 pounds feel so easy? I guess they didn't feel that easy when I was losing them but in retrospect they felt like they just slid off and here I am wallowing around trying to get to -75. I don't know what is different now but I wish I could get some of that resolve back. Well it's something I'll have to work on.

fell off

Well, I'm back from Boston. It was nice there but I am happy to be home. I went to Boston hoping that I could eat close to plan and that didn't really happen. I had an ounce of cashews for breakfast every day and had salads at lunch, but the salads didn't live up to the usual ETL salad. Dinners were totally OP. I know that I am going to be up this week.

I've decided to go back OP on Sunday. It's just easier for me to deal with things in the weekly package. I know that I'll be able to get back on the wagon next week no problem and in truth, I am enjoying this break even though it means that I will have to re-lose some weight. Sometimes it's just nice to not have to think about things.

About being up- I think it had to happen at some point. And I know I don't want it to happen again. I think that this experience has helped me realize that I DO have to stick to the plan as close as possible to lose weight and to keep it off. This does have to become a lifestyle if I am going to lose all of the weight that I want and keep it off. It's obvious to me that I'm not there yet, but I do want to get back on plan and I don't view it as restrictive or as a food jail sentance. I like ETL and eating ETL and I know that with time and dedication it will become a lifestyle.

I have come a long way since just June and I know that I have a long way left to go. I will not go back to my "old ways" or allow myself to go back up to where I was before I started this. I've also evolved out of the thinking that I need to get all of this weight off NOW, I'm doing really well and I know that I will get it off in time. I also want to make sure that when I do get it off I am prepared for maintaining it and living in a very different place in life (as a thin person) than I have ever experienced. I want this to be a permanent change in my life and I'm finally ok with it taking longer than I had originally wanted.

Back on Thursday!

Food is for Nutrition

Well it wasn't planned (it never is) but Friday and Saturday turned into a major dieting detour. It all ended up with me in pain in the bathroom on Saturday night wishing I had just stuck to the plan and all of this wouldn't be happening. Hopefully I will remember that feeling the next time I want to dabble in the land of SAD food.

Food is for nutrition. Food is for nutrition. Food is for nutrition. Why can't I remember this? Can I have it magically tattooed to my hand so that it blinks like a bright neon sign every time I go to put something that is nutritionally void in my mouth? If I could have one wish at this point it wouldn't be to be instantaneously skinny with the ability to eat anything I want - it'd be to think FOOD IS FOR NUTRITION and not food is because it's yummy or food is because __________ (insert stupid excuse here). Somehow I will have to instill this thought into my head so it's what I think of first and it's what happens when I start to want something bad for me. Maybe I'll get a bracelet or something... similar to a magical tattoo, no?

For the next 3 days I'll be in Boston, so no posts until Thursday. I am going to do my best to stick to ETL while I'm there. My goal will be AT LEAST 80% - since I know I will have to make some concessions when eating at restaurants, but I will do my best, because FOOD IS FOR NUTRITION.

When I get back I am going to go for as many Kale days as I can until Thanksgiving. I don't want to say that ALL of them will end up being Kale days but I do want a lot of Kale days because they really do make me feel good physically and also its a great self esteem boost to know I am doing the best I possibly can.

Week 21 Results

ways to see progress other than the scale...

Thursday:
Breakfast: smoothie
Lunch: blended salad (romaine, carrots, pineapple, 1/2 banana, water)
Dinner: Green Machine Soup, some cheese puffs

Exercise: 30 min walk with Cammie, 30 min Yourself!Fitness

Fuhrmometer: eggplant

I had a Kale day until I ruined it with the cheese puffs. I did enjoy the cheese puffs but now I do kind of regret having them and ruining a kale day. I'm not too upset over it though, overall I still think I am doing a lot better now than I was a few weeks ago where I felt like I couldn't string together any really good days without some cheating.

Every 10 workouts (I think) in Yourself!Fitness you have a fitness test where you go through the same activities you did in the beginning to set up your account. You enter your weight, take your resting and working heart rates, see how many push ups you can do, how many crunches you can do, and how many squats you can do, then you test your flexibility by doing basically a sit and reach (remember that from gym class?). So - my resting heart rate is pretty much the same. For the working heart rate they want you to do jumping jacks for two minutes. I know, maybe this doesn't seem like a long amount of time but just try it - do 2 minutes of jumping jacks. I'll wait. Yeah! It's REALLY HARD! I still don't have that type of cardio vascular endurance to do all 2 minutes but I know that I will with practice. I was pleased to see that I can now do more pushups than I could when I started working out with Maya (about a month ago), and since building upper body strength is one of my personal fitness goals I feel really good about that.

Hubby and I went to the mall and I got 4 pairs of pants in sizes that are smaller than I've been able to wear for a long long time, since sometime in High School. The pants are a little snug on me right now but it's not so bad. Plus it's kind of nice to have pants that don't feel like MC Hammer pants!

drink your veggies

Wednesday:
Breakfast: smoothie (blueberries, strawberries, banana, spinach, flax, water)
Lunch: wrap from HFS
Dinner: blended salad (romaine, 1/2 banana, pineapple & juice, water), handful of cashews

Exercise: 30 min walk with cammie, 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min bike

Fuhrmometer: Lentil

Blended salads are good! I never thought they were something I could get into, and I still don't think I'll be able to enjoy blended salads without some fruit in them. But that's ok - because they don't have to be 100% veggies to be blended salads.

I think there is a lot of ambiguity about what is a green smoothie and what is a blended salad; and the definitions change from person to person... but here are mine:

Blended Salads have most of their main ingredients as leafy greens and other veggies with a smaller amount of fruit

and

[Green] Smoothies have fruit as the majority of its main ingredients and leafy greens and veggies are in the minority.

SO, my breakfast smoothie is 75% fruit and 25% spinach, so I think of it as a smoothie or a green smoothie. My lunch or dinner smoothie is at least 60% (working up to more) veggies so I think of it as a blended salad.

The romaine-pineapple-banana combo is nice, it has a nice green color and tastes kind of like melon to me. I did try adding cashews to the mix the other day but I don't think it was very good. Plus I like eating my serving of nuts; it's satisfying when I want something crunchy.

I am going to put some baby carrots into the smoothies to add more veggie power to it (haha) and I would also like to get some POM juice to add since I hear that it is very good for you. More on the evolution of my blended salad as it - evolves...