thinkin...

This week I have had a lot of compliments from my students at work and other people that I don't talk about my weight loss too. It's nice that people are noticing, and I am really beginning to see a difference in myself when I look in the mirror. It gets me thinking about where I'm headed and also keeps me committed to my goals.

When was the last time I weighed under 200 pounds? This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Until I started ETL I was never a fan of the scale. I preferred not to know. I can remember going to the Doctor's office and not looking when they weighed me. There are two instances that I can remember that lead me to believe that the last time I was in the 200 pound range I was in middle school (ages 12-14).

It sounds like a lot for a 13 year old to weigh 200 pounds. And it is. The thing is I'm pretty sure I stopped growing when I was 12 or 13. (Isn't that normal for girls?). When I think about my body at 200 pounds it's kind of weird because for so long I've been significantly higher than that. So to be this height and 200 pounds I can sort of see happening in middle school.

My first memory is kind of an unfortunate one. I have many memories of being picked on or made to feel like an outsider because of my weight, some of them still bother me sometimes (although not as much now that I am doing something about it) but most of them don't. I can remember in 7th grade waiting at my neighbor's locker so that we could walk home from school together and the boy that had a locker close to her would harass me every day. I can remember him saying "Nicole how much do you weigh... 200 pounds? 400 pounds?..." And I was mortified that he was right (not that I ever responded to him or let on). Later on in high school the same boy turned out to be rather nice after he started smoking pot... I'm sure he's forgotten about all of this, and I have too for the most part.

When I was in 8th grade I tried out Weight Watchers with my Mom for some sort of 6 week thing or something along those lines. I can remember losing weight on their plan and dipping below 200. For some reason it didn't stick and when I went back up I can remember it being a horrible feeling. After the 6 weeks or whatever were over I didn't try to keep it up and so the weight crept back on.

So it has been 13+ years since I've been in the 100's. What does that mean? Not too much except I have had this weight problem all of my life and when I do get down into the no longer obese category, life will be a very different experience. I don't plan to let knowledge of my past stop me or hinder me in any way. I know that I can achieve what I've set out to do.