knowing thyself

I have good days and I have bad days. A lot of what goes into making a good day for me is being well prepared. This is why even though I really don't like to, I need to spend part of my Sunday in the kitchen preparing food for the upcoming week. I'd much rather spend some of the last precious days of nice weather outside all day, but I can't always do that...

This past Sunday I knowingly rebelled, I knew I had food that would get me through Monday but no further than that and I still decided not to make anything. I came to regret it on Monday when I was faced with even less of a desire to cook but knew I had absolutely nothing to eat.

As I dragged myself through the grocery store I found myself wishing I could just be one of those people who has a beer and some chips and salsa and calls that dinner.

"But," said the little angel on my shoulder, "you know better and you won't do that."

It's true, I do know better and I am getting better all the time with not pushing aside healthy food for fast and easy (and bad for me) junk. I feel like my knowledge of what eating for nutritional excellence is has instilled within me a little bit of a failsafe, when I want to eat a doughnut I start thinking about all of the refined junk and saturated fats and how bad it all is for me and I don't want it anymore because I really do know better.

I've also realized lately that when I do have an off-plan meal I am satisfied with eating much less than I used to. And it's not forced, it's definitely a more intuitive thing. I think that this is a benefit of having so much to lose and it taking time; I am evolving into these things and not forcing myself. I think that because of this it will help me out quite a bit when I finally get to my goal weight and have to start maintaining it.

the running update

My next race is/was supposed to be a 4miler on October 13th. I don't think that I am going to end up running in that race this year (even though I'd like to) for a number of reasons. It's ok though, I am going to see if there is another 5k I can do in October. I will also keep on training for the 4.4 mile Turkey Trot since Hubby is working on Thanksgiving and my parents and Grandpa will be golfing in Arizona - it'll be a decent way to spend at least part of the day.

Last week Rochelle (my awesome coach) had me start doing speedwork (running sprints). It is actually really fun for the first few sprints - you get to just run as fast as you can and fly over the terrain... and then your legs start feeling it and that's awesome too because you know you've gotten a really great workout.

Sundays are my long run, this past week I drove to a park that isn't too far from where we live and ran across a pedestrian bridge that goes over a river gorge and up into the park I was running in earlier this summer. It was an awesome run, firstly because there were some decent hills that used to kick my butt but this time I kept going and also because for the entire 45 minute run I only stopped to walk for about 90 seconds... and I don't think I even really needed to do that.

I'm impressing myself with how my stamina has improved since I've started running; but it just makes me want to be able to run faster and for more miles. I know that with time it will happen :-)

highs, lows, in-betweens

Wow, I didn't realize that it's been nearly a week since I last posted. Things have been hectic lately between work, going away last weekend, and trying not to get too despertely behind on housework it's been tough to find time to get online and check everyone's blogs and update my own. Hopefully soon things (especially at work) will get under control and I will be able to be a much more consistent blogger.

Thursday I worked a 12+ hour day, went home and took a nap and was then back at work on Friday before 8am. Luckily, I had taken a half day so that Friday and Saturday Hubby and I could take quick and breezy tour of New England. We drove to Massachusetts Friday afternoon/evening and had dinner with some friends and then got up really, really, really early on Saturday to drive to New Hampshire to do some Mini stuff. We took back roads through New Hampshire and Vermont all the way to Albany on the way home. It was a long day, but it was really nice.

But my eating wasn't so nice. So when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning for my weekly weigh in; I had gained weight. I was expecting it but it still sucked to see. Hubby asked me what my weight was, and usually I just tell him; but I felt pretty crappily about it and couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. "It's ok, you'll lose it" Hubby said and gave me a big hug. It was just what I needed. I haven't been perfect yesterday or today, but I have been much better and this has been a faster rebound than others I've had.

Motivation: There is a person on the member center who has lost 120 pounds since last September, and she hasn't gone off Eat to Live (like NO CHEATING, at all!). Isn't that amazing! That kind of dedication is something I'd like to aspire to.

Also, Dr. Fuhrman's office contacted me (Hi Susan!), to ask if they could use my pictures and story to be this month's success story in Dr. F's newsletter and if they could put me on the Success Stories page on the website... how awesome is that! It's great to hear how excited other people are for me and really helps me to keep going and stick with it when those moments strike when I'd rather not do what I should.

Enough babbling for now, I will be back tomorrow with a running update!

Wednesday:
Breakfast: Smoothie
Lunch: Susan V's Green-On-Green Soup
Exercise: Run with Cammie
Dinner: Wrap with baba ganoush, falafel, romaine, carrots, onion, cucumber
Fuhrmometer: 9 - broccoli

Earlier today in the Dr. Fuhrman forums...

Paige wrote:
I'm most impressed with you because you are able to mess up one meal and then pick back up at the next, or mess up for a week and then pick up the next.

I responded to her that I think that part of my reason for being able to do this is that I do my best not to view ETL as an "all or nothing" diet. I try to be the best that I can, but if there are days where I don't eat a good meal, or I have a bad day or a bad week I don't view myself as an ETL failure. Every time I start up again after going astray I feel stronger and more dedicated to the plan.

I'm also finding that as time goes on, I am naturally becoming more "in tune" with the plan as written. When I first started ETL I didn't want to give up cheese - these days I may still have it occasionally, but most of the time I don't want it at all.

A similar thing has happened with salt. I used to feel the need to add Braggs to soups to make them taste "right" but after finding some excellent recipes that taste good without it (Quinoa Paella, Springtime Soup, Susan V's Green on Green Soup), I've realized that I don't miss it in other things and when I have expected to think that I would need it, I haven't.

I think that these developments are in part due to the fact that they sort of evolved - I didn't force myself to eat food that I didn't think tasted good to kick the salt habit - that one is really all about having good recipes that genuinely don't need it. My growing lack of interest in dairy is very similar, it's not something forcerd; it's just happening that way, and that is because I have allowed myself to have some meals (or whatever) that are not perfectly ETL, but I've done my best to get back on the plan as quickly as I can, and I know that my next meal is always an opportunity to be back on track.

Compare. Contrast.

To anyone out there that might be embarking on their own weight loss adventure:
Be consistent with your progress pictures. Be anal retentive about it. Take the pics in the same place, have the photographer stand the same distance away from you, etc. I regret that we've been as relaxed about it as we have been...

BUT ANYWAY...

It doesn't really matter! I've lost 101 pounds :-)

(Click on the picture to see it bigger... if you dare!)

So close to the -100 point! I was 199.0 this morning. I have lost 99.6 pounds... darn that 0.4 of a pound! I will wait to post side by side comparisons of then v. now until I am officially under 198.6 but for now you can see me in the pants I wore in my "before" photo. How fun it was to take the quintessential weight loss picture!

I must admit, for as long as I have been looking forward to seeing the number on the scale start with a 1 it's kind of freaky (in a good way). Like I've said before, the last time I was around this weight I was in middle school, which was 14-15 years ago (creepy!).

I anticipated feeling euphoric when I got to this point; and I am happy, very happy, I feel quite proud of myself and all - but it's not like on tv when balloons and confetti fall from the ceiling or anything. Which is somehow what I thought it would feel like... but I'm not complaining or anything - I just wanted to say that it's different. But still great.

Another thing - I'm noticing that I don't totally hate myself in every. single. picture. anymore... I know I sort of posted about this before but it bears repeating. There are so few pictures of me as a teenager and young adult because I always hated how I looked, but now it's not so bad. I am proud of what I've done and feel much more confident in my appearance than ever before. I know I still have a lot to lose, but I can see that it's more achieveable now then it ever has been before.

no need for words...

weighing in and scared straight

Monday:
Exercise: walk with cammie, ab workout (yourself!fitness)
Breakfast: smoothie
Lunch: eggplant zucchini tofu lasagna
Exercise: walk wiht cammie
Dinner: salad (romaine, chili pinto beans, salsa), graham cracker with peanut butter
Fuhrmometer: 8.5 - eggplant

Well, I am up 2 this week. Yuck. Hopefully it's mostly water weight and I'll lose it quickly.

I did eat some junk last week. It's was challenging to rebound from taking the day off on my birthday and thinking I could eat whatever I wanted. I had thought about it for so long and planned what I wanted out in my head - and much of the food that I thought I was going to have that day didn't work out, so I ended up feeling deprived and like the day didn't live up to what I wanted it to be food wise. Looking back on it now, it seems stupid to have put so much thought and care into food - and seeing as how things I used to really enjoy aren't so enjoyable any more it's something that I want to work on caring less about in the future.

Another thing, I've had Disease Proof Your Child and The Pleasure Trap sitting on my table for weeks now waiting to be read. I finally picked up DPYC yesterday and started to read it. Reading about how all the years I spent eating junk and being so very very overweight have predisposed me to cancers and heart disease (which I knew) really hit home. I feel even more dedicated to sticking to this diet/lifestyle to do anything I can to combat disease in the future. I gotta eat my greens!

5k report

Edit: Official time 39:13!I did it! And I didn't walk! And I wasn't the last to finish!

Where to start...

Last night I couldn't get to sleep for the life of me. I knew I needed to go to sleep but I was just wide awake. I think I tried to go to sleep at about 10:30 but it was at least 1:30 before I actually fell asleep. It wasn't that I was particularly nervous about the race, it was more that I knew how important it was to get a good night's sleep and was trying to hard to fall asleep...

This morning I woke up right when the alarm went off, got up and got dressed in my new technical top and made my smoothie. Hubby wisely advised me to pack a change of clothes for after the race, so I went back upstairs to grab some things and we were off. But I remembered that I didn't have my cell phone. So after going back inside to get it, then we were off.

The weather here this morning was in the mid-70's but humidity was about 90%, making it feel quite a bit warmer than it really was. The forecast was for some scattered showers; but nothing to be worried about. I actually wore my sunglasses most of the way down to the state park where the race was held. As we were pulling in (and I was getting really nervous) it started to sprinkle.

I got out of the car and my boss (she ran the race with me) met us. I put on my socks and sneakers and was freaking out about having enough time to sign in and go to the bathroom before the race. I was fine - we went and I got my number and got to go to the bathroom. All was fine.

By this time the sprinkles had turned into a pretty steady rain. It wasn't torrential downpours or anything but it was enough to get us pretty wet on the walk to the starting line. We waited under some trees until the race people told us to go line up and we were just standing there and "CRACK!" it was time to go...

My boss (L) is an avid runner, and is much faster than me. She told me that she'd let me set the pace; so I took off at what felt good to me. I know I was faster than I should have been but the whole thing kind of goes to your head at the beginning of the race.

For most of the first mile it was raining, but you could tell it was letting up. by the time we got to the first mile marker it had stopped raining completely and the sun was peeking out of the clouds. It was getting hot and steamy - fun! We passed a guy with a bullhorn who told us that we were just after 11:00 at that point. Pretty good for me, I was happy with that. I knew it probably wouldn't last but I was feeling good.

Mile 2 - lots of hills, and also a section of unpaved gravely stuff and a big hill... I was starting to feel it by this point and when I saw the big hill I had an intense urge to walk. But i kept going. L and I discussed how the race description had said "Flat and scenic" and how they were right about the scenic but very wrong about the flat part.

Mile 3 - we finish the gravel point and get back on some asphalt. There is a brief section of flat and a small hill down. By this time I was really beginning to huff and puff, but I knew I was close to finishing so there was no way I could give up now. 600 yards is a lot longer than you might think it is. Especially if it begins with another lovely hill.

We leave the asphalt for the last leg of the race and are happy to be out of the sun. We can hear people cheering in the distance and know we're really close. We round a corner for the last leg and can see the finish line. I see Hubby and Cammie, miss smiling for the picture (above, how lovely do I look) and then notice that the clock says 38minutes and some odd seconds. I am desperate to finish, but am happy that I am going to make it under 40:00, and that there are people behind us. We cross the finish line shortly after 39:00.

I was so happy to finish without walking but I was also really feeling it (and I had to pee REALLY badly) I stood at the finish line for long enough for hubby and Cammie to walk over to us and then pretty much took off for the bathroom. I can't even describe how I felt at that point - spent is a pretty good word for it. After going to the bathroom hubby and L and Cammie were waiting for me outside with our lunch tickets - I was feeling really dizzy and things were going all white - I felt like I was going to pass out. We found a place to sit and after a minute or two I felt a lot better.

It was a tough course, and definitely not ideal conditions - but I'm glad I did it and I'm pleased with the results. I'll be working on training for my 4miler in October next!

things to read

20 Ways to Stick to Your Workout

I think I'll stick with healthy eating and exercise, tyvm.

Actual posts to come :-)

So close! My weight this morning was 200.2, which is fine but a little frustrating. I know I'll get there soon ;-)

Since today is my birthday I am eating pretty much whatever I want (bagel for breakfast, veggie turkey sandwich for lunch, who knows what for dinner). Cammie and I went for a nice long walk in my favorite local park this morning and hubby and I are going out and about soon when he gets home from work. I'm just taking it easy and having a relaxing day.

Tomorrow is my second to last run before the 5k. I'm really excited about it and looking forward to the runs I have planned in October and November. Cammie and I walked for about 6 miles today and my legs were pretty tired by the time we were done - I do want to work up to running 10k's but it's going to take a while.

on the doorstep of ONEderland

Sunday:
Breakfast: Smoothie
Exercise: 3+ mile run with Cammie
Lunch: Graham Cracker with Peanut Butter
Dinner: Salad (romaine, chili pinto beans, salsa), a couple cinnamon spicy almonds
Fuhrmometer: 8.5 eggplant/broccoli

Yesterday we went out with my parents and grandpa for my birthday dinner with them (my real birthday is tomorrow). We went to the Cheesecake Factory – I wouldn’t go there again. I’ve been there before but it just wasn’t as good as I remember. That’s been happening a lot lately – things not tasting as good as I remember. I think I really am evolving to prefer healthier foods. I like that.

Naturally, this morning when I weighed myself my weight was higher than yesterday morning – but not too much. I was at 201.2. I had breakfast, went for my run, came home and had some lemon water and decided to weigh myself again before jumping into the shower… 199.8! Just barely under 200 and after a workout so it’s not “real” but it was cool to see. It will be interesting to see what the scale says tomorrow when I wake up.

Also cool – I went shopping today and bought a bunch of much needed shirts for work, all from the “normal” section. I still feel like I don’t really belong there, but when I found myself in the “women’s” section I was glad I don’t need to shop there anymore – those clothes are not as fun as the ones I picked up!