new pants

Wednesday:
Exercise: 30min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill
Breakfast: Standard Smoothie
Lunch: 1/2 bowl of Golden Austrian Cauliflower Soup, apple
Dinner: 1/2 sandwich with tomatoes, lettuce, cucumber, red onion, possibly red pepper, some feta and cilantro hummus - it was from Panera
Fuhrmometer: 9/Broccoli

Today, for the first time in my life, I wore a major garment (pants) that I purchased at the Gap. The pockets still don't look right (the pants are just a tad tight through the hips, but I don't think that side-slit pockets are flattering to many women, plus what does any woman ever keep in the pockets of her dressy work pants? I know I don't put anything in them...); but the pocket dilemma was easily fixed by a longer sweater to cover them. :-)

I know that this sounds stupid to most people, but when you've been overweight since you can remember and haven't been able to shop in "normal" stores since probably middle school; it's a big deal.

For me this is a stepping-stone into a life as a normal sized person. I am still overweight, and have no plans on staying this size, but now that I am not pigeon-holed into shopping in the plus size department I can see the clearing at the end of the path, and I am very excited to get there.

temptation, frustration, elation

Monday:
Breakfast: Standard Smoothie (spinach, blueberries, banana, strawberries, flax)
Lunch: 1/2 bowl Golden Austrian Cauliflower Soup
Dinner: Macaroni & Cheese
Exercise: 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill
Fuhrmometer: blueberry/lentil

Tuesday:
Exercise: 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill
Breakfast: Standard Smoothie
Lunch: apple
Dinner: salad (romaine, "refried" beans), 1/2 whole wheat pita
Fuhrmometer: KALE!

Yesterday was a day of temptation; and today was a day of frustration.

This week we are having student appreciation at campus (work). We are giving all the classes some nice water bottles with the college name on it as well as some fruit and pastries and a little bit of candy. Somehow I became the person to put all of the food together and deliver it to the classes, which I have no problem with - except for the part where I have to stare down mini cream puffs and mini eclairs.

A few times yesterday I almost talked myself into giving in; but I didn't. The good ETLer in me told me I didn't need that junk and that I would just feel bad about myself if I ate it. I'm happy that I listened!

However that was not to last. Last week hubby was under the weather and couldn't eat too much. I told him that I would make him macaroni and cheese. Well this week he's better; but I kept my promise. I had planned on eating salad for dinner and not the mac & cheese - but it reeled me in. I felt so guilty after eating it and really regretted it.

Today was tough, I was still beating myself up over last night's dinner and then at lunch time I was seriously craving a wrap from the Natural Foods Store (not ETL). But I'm elated to say that I stuck with the plan today for lunch and dinner and had my first Kale day in a while. It makes me feel so good and gives me a boost of motivation that I really needed. I know that I can make tomorrow another Kale day.

It's definitely not always easy to eat right and do the things I need to do to be healthy and lose weight, but it is easier when you're mindful of how good it feels to be doing all the right things.

the good and the not-as-good

Saturday:
Breakfast: smoothie (romaine, blueberries, banana, flax, water)
Lunch: handful of walnuts
Dinner: baked french fries with ketchup
Exercise: 60 min Yourself!Fitness, 60 min treadmill

Sunday:
Breakfast: baked french fries with ketchup
Dinner: Burritos (whole wheat pita, "refried" beans, romaine)
Exercise: 45 min Yourself!Fitness, 40 min treadmill

The weekends are usually tough for me. On the weekdays it's easier to stick with ETL foods because I don't give myself the time or the opportunity so much to eat SAD. This weekend I had some really good workouts; it's really nice not to have to rush through them. This week is going to be a good week for me. I can just feel that it's all going to come together this week and I'll be able to keep it up.

fit

Friday:
Breakfast: Smoothie (romaine, flax, blueberries, banana, water)
Lunch: skipped
Dinner: TBD at a restaurant
Exercise: skipping, but planning on a super extra special double workout tomorrow

In about 2.5 weeks hubby and I are going on vacation. When we are on vacation we have plans to go to a theme park. At said theme park there will be roller coasters. I haven't ridden in a roller coaster since probably freshman year of high school. At some point when I was in high school I got too fat for roller coasters and have avoided them since then, and theme parks all together. It's not fun.

I know that even right now I am not as large as I was when I was a senior in high school. The only reason that I know this is that I tried on my prom dress a few months ago and it was huge on me. That's a good thing. But I'm still a little bit leery if I am thin enough to be able to fit into roller coasters. I want to be able to, but I am nervous about it.

Generally, I "fit" into things much better now than I used to. I can remember going to the movies and not being comfortable in the seats because of my size. We recently went to the movies with some friends and I was pleased to find that the seats are much more comfortable now and that there is (a small amount) of extra space. Hubby used to always wonder why it would take me so long to get in/out of the car - well now I beat him out of the car all the time. My office chair is much more comfortable than it used to be too. I can fit in my Gap pants now and am *this* close to being satisfied enough with the way they look on me to wear them to work.

There's no doubt that I am now a size that is much closer to normal that I used to be. But is it going to be enough? I really hope so. The only thing I can do at this point is spend the next few weeks eating as well as I can and doing the best I can with my workouts.

The only way I will know if I'm roller-coaster appropriate (lol) will be to try it out. I have been able to achieve a lot that I didn't think I could do - running is a great example - so there's no reason not to try. In the event that it doesn't work out; it'll just be added incentive to keep going. Not like I really need added incentive, but it's nice to have around.

Thursday: (so far)Exercise: 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill
Breakfast: Smoothie (romaine, pineapple, blueberries, flax and water)
Lunch: Cheez-Its and Pretzels :(
Dinner: (to be added)

Today's lunch was a struggle! I was haunted by the spirit of the wraps at the Natural Foods Store down the street but also repulsed by the thought of eating the soup that I brought from home. I ended up with the pretzels and the cheez-its. Sigh. I did have a good work out this morning and am not going to let the lunch thing get to me.

This week's soup has been Golden Austrian Cauliflower soup from the member center. A lot of people over on Dr. F's message boards have tried it and really like it but it's just not for me. Since I hate to throw food away; I will do my best to finish it but will have to add something to it to pep it up. Curry powder did wonders for me before, hmmm...

Can I just say how much I enjoy working out in the morning? Because I do - by the time I leave for work I feel like half my day is over. If my day at work goes bad then I can remind myself that I've already worked out for the day and that's something to feel good about.

things

Monday:
Breakfast: smoothie (kale, romaine, pom juice, pineapple, banana, flax)
Lunch: salad (romaine, red onion, walnuts, a little blue cheese, balsamic vinegar)
Dinner: "burrito" (homemade "refried" beans, lettuce, salsa in 1/2 of a whole wheat pita)
Non-ETL food: candy
Exercise: 30 min Cardio with Yourself!Fitness, 30+ min walk with Cammie

Tuesday:
Breakfast: smoothie (spinach, blueberries, strawberries, banana, flax)
Lunch: Golden Austrian Cauliflower Soup with Kale
Dinner: Salad (romaine lettuce with homemade "refried" beans and salsa), 1/2 whole wheat pita
Non ETL food: 3 small chocolates, about 6 Nutter-Butters
Exercise: Rest Day

Wednesday:
Breakfast: smoothie (spinach, blueberries, strawberries, banana, flax)
Lunch: Golden Austrian Cauliflower Soup with Kale
Dinner: "burrito" (homemade "refried" beans, lettuce, whole wheat pita)
Non-ETL food: pudding cup
Exercise: 30 min jogging on the treadmill (not walking!)

I have been getting back on track slowly. Last week I lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 pounds. I am close to being back up to speed; as can be seen by the past few days of food. One of the things that has really helped me get back on track has been my workouts. I've always enjoyed exercising when I actually get my (sometimes) lazy self up to do it... and becoming more athletic and active has been one of my major goals since the get go (well that and the clothes... sigh, the clothes) ;-)

Previously the best I could do running would be to jog for a few minutes - maybe five at the most and then I would have to stop and walk the rest of the way. Well a few weeks ago I decided to try to do one of the programs on my treadmill just for something different. It forced me to do some jogging and I realized that I could do much more than I thought I could. I don't run too fast, but I do keep the treadmill at a respectable incline (isn't it supposed to be better for your knees?) and the other day I jogged for a decent (to me) 25 minutes straight. It's new and fun and I get an awesome workout. I'm going to work on increasing my speed and endurance and maybe someday actually try running outside - although I enjoy watching the treadmill count all of the calories I'm burning. :-)

I really want to transform myself into an athlete. I often find myself fantasizing about winning/being given a ridiculous amount of money and winning the HGTV Dream Home so that I can quit my job and spend my winters skiing and my summers hiking and kayaking and white water rafting. The first thing I'd purchase with my riches? Well, that'd be a 57 Chevy Bel-Air, but the second would be an Endless Pool so that I can swim whenever I want no matter what the weather is like. I think that I would train for and compete in the Xterra Triathlons, which is something I can still do living my normal life. I just have to keep plodding along on this weight loss road. Exercise just became double-duty: 1)weight-loss facilitation and 2) triathlon training. Sweet!

Hey! So guess what? I’ve been totally sucking these past few weeks. I’m sure it’s no surprise since that’s pretty much what we all think is happening when we don’t hear from a weight loss blogger. I don’t think that it is a coincidence that I did my best with my weight loss when I was making it a priority to blog every day. I really need to start doing that again.

Tuesday afternoon I got a call from someone from DrFuhrman.com asking me to be a guest caller on Dr. F’s internet radio show Nutritional Wisdom on Wednesday. The topic was “Why all diets fail” which I found a little ironic because I’ve been feeling like I’m on the failing side of things lately, but because I have a tough time saying no to anyone, I agreed to do it. For the rest of that day and the next morning I went back and forth with myself about actually doing it or not and thinking about what I would say if I did do it. Some of the things that went through my head were about how much better I feel both physically and mentally when I’m eating ETL foods and how much that it has improved my life. I did end up calling in and it went ok I think – the hubby says that he will use the recording of the show as blackmail fodder. In case you missed it and want to hear me being nervous out of my mind and probably coming across pretty geeky click here and select the 2/7/07 show.


I am glad that it happened because as I said it really highlighted the reasons why I’m doing this as well as the fact that it really works. Despite this I haven’t been able to say no to junk food lately either. I’ll do well for breakfast and lunch and then blow it by having a cookie or a totally bad dinner. I miss the feeling of seeing my weight go down every week instead of seeing the scale stay pretty much the same or go up.

I know that when I stick to ETL it works for me. So why can’t I just stick to it?

Not being able to stick to it just makes me feel bad about myself. Most of the time the food isn’t that satisfying and/or it makes me feel physically bad so why do I keep eating it? It’s not even a matter of not liking ETL food – because I do. I just have to stop. I just have to be stronger. I know I can do it, so I will do it.

An added incentive for me to really be strict with myself is that we just planned a vacation to a warm place for the middle of March – the time when winter has got you beat – and I’d really like to be able to buy some new clothes to take with me from the normal sized part of a store like Old Navy. I’m so close to being able to fit into the normal clothes and not the Women’s or Plus clothes and I’d really like to be able to do that for our vacation. I think that if I am back on track and really stick with things then I will be able to do it. I really hate setting goals but I just can’t avoid this one. I don’t think that it’s an unreachable goal and I’m not going to attach a target weight to it and I have a feeling that this is a goal that I am going to meet.