Wednesday, September 06, 2006

being fat and trying not to be

Today's Food:
Breakfast: smoothie
Lunch: romaine, Green Velour, sunflower seeds and some strawberries and grapes (fruit not in the salad)
Dinner: cheese bread and butter

Exercise: 30 min bike, 20 min treadmill

Today my co-workers surprised me with birthday fruit salad (instead of cake) it was very thoughtful of them and very tasty as well. While we were all in the kitchen the subject of my diet inevitably came up and someone asked how much weight I've lost since starting the diet nearly 3 months ago.

"As of the last time I weighed myself, 41 pounds." I said.

And they broke out into a round of applause. Applause!? I felt so self conscious. I'm not really sure why, I guess I should feel proud of what I've accomplished... but I just felt uncomfortable. Maybe it's just because I never really like to be the center of attention; maybe it's because my weight is still a very sensitive and personal thing for me... I don't know.

I've noticed that since beginning to lose weight my attitude toward myself has changed quite a bit. I regard myself not so much as an overweight person but as someone who is into being healthy and active. Maybe I've jumped the gun a little bit...

The other day when Hubby and I were at the Home Depot there was a guy who was waiting for some help in the same aisle as we were trying to pick out some new things for our bathroom. He was an older man who for some reason felt that it was necessary to make friends with Hubby and I, trying to give us advice about what we should and shouldn't get and so on.

Hubby went down the aisle to grab one of those rolling stairs thingies to get something off a shelf that was a little too high for us to reach. I know, he's such a rebel climbing on those Employee Only stairs (hehe). And our new friend looked at me and said something along the lines of; "The world isn't just friendly for big people like us." I just looked at him and smiled and walked away so that he wouldn't feel the need to talk to me anymore but in my head I was thinking "US? I don't think so buddy... not me I'm not going to be 'big like you' for long, I'm well on my way to skinnydom."

But homeboy's comment stuck with me... I'm definitely not thin (I know this). Many people probably look at me and think that I am rather large. I guess the important thing to remember despite these kind of embarrassing/discouraging experiences is that I have come a long way and that losing 41 pounds is nothing to sneeze at! I just need to work on maintaining the state of mind that I am in the middle of a process which still has a long way to go and am not yet able to reap the benefits of reaching my overall goals. I can think I'm thin when I actually am.