Thursday, April 12, 2007

tsk tsk tsk

standard smoothie (spinach, kale, blueberries, strawberries, 1/2 banana, flax and water)
Lunch: none
Exercise: Planned to be - 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill
Dinner: Planned to be - romaine with hummus, 1/2 homemade pita; "raw brownies"
Fuhrmometer: 9 - Broccoli (if I stick with planned exercise and dinner)

I feel guilty about last night's dinner.

Although I had a decent week last week (didn't really feel like it but that's what the scale said). I'm pretty much the same today as I was last Thursday. It's SO frustrating! At the moment all I want to do is go to the HFS and pick up a really not good for me wrap and go home and NOT work out. I'm not going to do those things but it's how I feel at the moment.

I didn't eat lunch today. I wasn't hungry for it and figured I don't need the calories. I can't really decide if I chose to skip lunch truly because I wasn't hungry or if it was really because I subconsciously wanted to make-up for eating a bad dinner.

Furthermore - I can't figure out how bad I should feel about not eating the right foods. I'm torn between saying that I should just let the past be the past and work on being as good as I can right NOW and allowing myself to feel bad/guilty to reinforce the association that junk food is not worthwhile and condition myself not to want it. I suppose I'm leaning towards letting a guilty conscience make me feel bad as punishment - aren't we all our own biggest critics?

Sorry for the blah post... but I just had to get it out! Right now I'd give anything to get that motivation and resolve back that I had last summer; but I am starting to feel the same way I was - desperate to make some changes - so I'm taking that as a good sign. All I can do is do better!