lately...

...I haven’t been very consistent with posting. I’ve been considering not blogging anymore and just continuing on without writing about things. Ultimately I’ve decided that I do want to continue blogging and that I need to get back to blogging daily. I think that writing about my food and exercise and other experiences daily will help keep my head in the game. It won’t always be interesting; but it’s what I need to do.
Last week was not a good week. It wasn’t good at work and it wasn’t good on the ETL front either. There were two work Christmas parties, one at which I ate whatever I wanted and the other at which I didn’t eat anything. Plus all the other stresses coerced me into eating not good food. I kept on trying to eat better but it just never happened. I didn’t even bother to weigh myself on Sunday morning because I just don’t want to know. I am going to be much much better this week, I finally realized yesterday that one of the reasons that I’ve been feeling crappy lately is that I have been eating junk. I know that I feel so much better physically and psychologically when I am eating well that it really is a good incentive not to eat junk food.

Something that all of this recent stress has made me think about a lot is why I eat and why I’m overweight. I wish I were a person who is programmed to eat when hungry and not think about food when I’m not hungry; but I’m not. I think about food entirely too much and when I’m not mindful of it I will eat when I’m bored or if something sounds good or if I’m lonely or if I’m stressed. I talk myself into eating bad food all too easily and it’s all to easy to eat too much. In the past I used to sneak food – I can remember sneaking downstairs at night after everyone else in the house was asleep and making food. Now when I think about doing this at least there is a voice inside me that says “Who are you hiding from? You’re the one that’s not going to lose weight by doing this.” Whether or not I always listen to that voice is another story… The thing is, I know that overtime I have developed these unhealthy food habits and that they need to be changed. Some people would say that they are a food addict because of these things – I don’t want to label myself as an addict and make the excuse that these impulses can’t be changed – I know they can and I will change them. Writing about it and admitting it (as tough as it is) helps.

One of the highlights (no really!) of last week was on Thursday when I took a half day at work to get out and enjoy the 55 degree weather (in Western New York, in the middle of December!) with Cammie. We took a walk in a park that’s kind of close to home… what an eventful walk! I had to pee in the woods (first time and hopefully last) and also ended up losing my car & house keys in the park. We ended up walking home and asking a neighbor to borrow her phone so I could call hubby who had to leave a friend in a lurch and fight rush-hour traffic to come home and let me in. Then hubby and I went back to the park (in the dark! I kept on thinking Blair Witch Project) to look for the keys (we had a flashlight). No, we didn’t find them but we did have a spare set. I think I walked for somewhere in the 7 to 8 mile range that day. The best part was when we got home Hubby asked Cammie if she wanted to go for a walk and she started wagging her tail – that doggie just LOVES to take walks!