Monday, January 22, 2007

cracking down

I don’t really like to admit it; but I am a competitive person. This usually doesn’t come out in the traditional sense, like when playing games or racing or something… for me, it’s about intelligence and success. Where does this tie into weight loss? Well, I guess I am a competitive dieter.

I’ve been struggling to have consistent weight loss for a few months now. I lost my first 50 pounds in just over 3 months. It’s been over 4 months since then and I’ve only managed to get another 20 pounds off. The only reason for this is that I haven’t been strict enough with what I eat. I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted throughout the holidays and then the kitchen remodel. For the past few weeks since we’ve been able to use the kitchen again I’ve been doing better but not great. When it gets to be the weekend it’s been all too easy to just eat bad food and let the “screw it” mentality take over. To add insult to injury I haven’t been working out consistently either.

There are many weight loss blogs that I love to read; not only to learn about the experiences and thoughts of others as they lose weight and learn about their relationship with food but also as a measure of how I am doing compared to others. It’s a stupid thing to do but it does keep me going. I’ve been stalled for nearly two months now and am jealous of the rest of the world who made it through the holidays with losses or successfully got back on track weeks ago. I’m sick of myself and my lack of willpower and discipline. I’m pissed at myself that I’ve let myself lag behind in this self-imposed race.

I want to lose another 50 like the first 50. I want to break out of the 200’s more than anything. I want to have the discipline back that I had in the beginning. I need to crack down on myself.

This all seems like a major contradiction to my last post doesn’t it? I think on the surface it can appear that way; but at the same time – caring more about nutrition now than before and wanting to get the scale moving again can be two very separate things. I have been too laid back about things for the past few weeks and I need to get back to work.

My newest goal – six weeks of nothing but ETL – no ice cream, no chips, no pizza and no wraps from the HFS. My only non-ETL exception? Salad from a restaurant and a little bit of blue cheese on my dinner salads. I know I can do it. Also – I will back to posting daily what I eat and my workouts. Starting NOW!