new pants

Wednesday:
Exercise: 30min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill
Breakfast: Standard Smoothie
Lunch: 1/2 bowl of Golden Austrian Cauliflower Soup, apple
Dinner: 1/2 sandwich with tomatoes, lettuce, cucumber, red onion, possibly red pepper, some feta and cilantro hummus - it was from Panera
Fuhrmometer: 9/Broccoli

Today, for the first time in my life, I wore a major garment (pants) that I purchased at the Gap. The pockets still don't look right (the pants are just a tad tight through the hips, but I don't think that side-slit pockets are flattering to many women, plus what does any woman ever keep in the pockets of her dressy work pants? I know I don't put anything in them...); but the pocket dilemma was easily fixed by a longer sweater to cover them. :-)

I know that this sounds stupid to most people, but when you've been overweight since you can remember and haven't been able to shop in "normal" stores since probably middle school; it's a big deal.

For me this is a stepping-stone into a life as a normal sized person. I am still overweight, and have no plans on staying this size, but now that I am not pigeon-holed into shopping in the plus size department I can see the clearing at the end of the path, and I am very excited to get there.

temptation, frustration, elation

Monday:
Breakfast: Standard Smoothie (spinach, blueberries, banana, strawberries, flax)
Lunch: 1/2 bowl Golden Austrian Cauliflower Soup
Dinner: Macaroni & Cheese
Exercise: 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill
Fuhrmometer: blueberry/lentil

Tuesday:
Exercise: 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill
Breakfast: Standard Smoothie
Lunch: apple
Dinner: salad (romaine, "refried" beans), 1/2 whole wheat pita
Fuhrmometer: KALE!

Yesterday was a day of temptation; and today was a day of frustration.

This week we are having student appreciation at campus (work). We are giving all the classes some nice water bottles with the college name on it as well as some fruit and pastries and a little bit of candy. Somehow I became the person to put all of the food together and deliver it to the classes, which I have no problem with - except for the part where I have to stare down mini cream puffs and mini eclairs.

A few times yesterday I almost talked myself into giving in; but I didn't. The good ETLer in me told me I didn't need that junk and that I would just feel bad about myself if I ate it. I'm happy that I listened!

However that was not to last. Last week hubby was under the weather and couldn't eat too much. I told him that I would make him macaroni and cheese. Well this week he's better; but I kept my promise. I had planned on eating salad for dinner and not the mac & cheese - but it reeled me in. I felt so guilty after eating it and really regretted it.

Today was tough, I was still beating myself up over last night's dinner and then at lunch time I was seriously craving a wrap from the Natural Foods Store (not ETL). But I'm elated to say that I stuck with the plan today for lunch and dinner and had my first Kale day in a while. It makes me feel so good and gives me a boost of motivation that I really needed. I know that I can make tomorrow another Kale day.

It's definitely not always easy to eat right and do the things I need to do to be healthy and lose weight, but it is easier when you're mindful of how good it feels to be doing all the right things.

the good and the not-as-good

Saturday:
Breakfast: smoothie (romaine, blueberries, banana, flax, water)
Lunch: handful of walnuts
Dinner: baked french fries with ketchup
Exercise: 60 min Yourself!Fitness, 60 min treadmill

Sunday:
Breakfast: baked french fries with ketchup
Dinner: Burritos (whole wheat pita, "refried" beans, romaine)
Exercise: 45 min Yourself!Fitness, 40 min treadmill

The weekends are usually tough for me. On the weekdays it's easier to stick with ETL foods because I don't give myself the time or the opportunity so much to eat SAD. This weekend I had some really good workouts; it's really nice not to have to rush through them. This week is going to be a good week for me. I can just feel that it's all going to come together this week and I'll be able to keep it up.

fit

Friday:
Breakfast: Smoothie (romaine, flax, blueberries, banana, water)
Lunch: skipped
Dinner: TBD at a restaurant
Exercise: skipping, but planning on a super extra special double workout tomorrow

In about 2.5 weeks hubby and I are going on vacation. When we are on vacation we have plans to go to a theme park. At said theme park there will be roller coasters. I haven't ridden in a roller coaster since probably freshman year of high school. At some point when I was in high school I got too fat for roller coasters and have avoided them since then, and theme parks all together. It's not fun.

I know that even right now I am not as large as I was when I was a senior in high school. The only reason that I know this is that I tried on my prom dress a few months ago and it was huge on me. That's a good thing. But I'm still a little bit leery if I am thin enough to be able to fit into roller coasters. I want to be able to, but I am nervous about it.

Generally, I "fit" into things much better now than I used to. I can remember going to the movies and not being comfortable in the seats because of my size. We recently went to the movies with some friends and I was pleased to find that the seats are much more comfortable now and that there is (a small amount) of extra space. Hubby used to always wonder why it would take me so long to get in/out of the car - well now I beat him out of the car all the time. My office chair is much more comfortable than it used to be too. I can fit in my Gap pants now and am *this* close to being satisfied enough with the way they look on me to wear them to work.

There's no doubt that I am now a size that is much closer to normal that I used to be. But is it going to be enough? I really hope so. The only thing I can do at this point is spend the next few weeks eating as well as I can and doing the best I can with my workouts.

The only way I will know if I'm roller-coaster appropriate (lol) will be to try it out. I have been able to achieve a lot that I didn't think I could do - running is a great example - so there's no reason not to try. In the event that it doesn't work out; it'll just be added incentive to keep going. Not like I really need added incentive, but it's nice to have around.

Thursday: (so far)Exercise: 30 min Yourself!Fitness, 30 min treadmill
Breakfast: Smoothie (romaine, pineapple, blueberries, flax and water)
Lunch: Cheez-Its and Pretzels :(
Dinner: (to be added)

Today's lunch was a struggle! I was haunted by the spirit of the wraps at the Natural Foods Store down the street but also repulsed by the thought of eating the soup that I brought from home. I ended up with the pretzels and the cheez-its. Sigh. I did have a good work out this morning and am not going to let the lunch thing get to me.

This week's soup has been Golden Austrian Cauliflower soup from the member center. A lot of people over on Dr. F's message boards have tried it and really like it but it's just not for me. Since I hate to throw food away; I will do my best to finish it but will have to add something to it to pep it up. Curry powder did wonders for me before, hmmm...

Can I just say how much I enjoy working out in the morning? Because I do - by the time I leave for work I feel like half my day is over. If my day at work goes bad then I can remind myself that I've already worked out for the day and that's something to feel good about.

things

Monday:
Breakfast: smoothie (kale, romaine, pom juice, pineapple, banana, flax)
Lunch: salad (romaine, red onion, walnuts, a little blue cheese, balsamic vinegar)
Dinner: "burrito" (homemade "refried" beans, lettuce, salsa in 1/2 of a whole wheat pita)
Non-ETL food: candy
Exercise: 30 min Cardio with Yourself!Fitness, 30+ min walk with Cammie

Tuesday:
Breakfast: smoothie (spinach, blueberries, strawberries, banana, flax)
Lunch: Golden Austrian Cauliflower Soup with Kale
Dinner: Salad (romaine lettuce with homemade "refried" beans and salsa), 1/2 whole wheat pita
Non ETL food: 3 small chocolates, about 6 Nutter-Butters
Exercise: Rest Day

Wednesday:
Breakfast: smoothie (spinach, blueberries, strawberries, banana, flax)
Lunch: Golden Austrian Cauliflower Soup with Kale
Dinner: "burrito" (homemade "refried" beans, lettuce, whole wheat pita)
Non-ETL food: pudding cup
Exercise: 30 min jogging on the treadmill (not walking!)

I have been getting back on track slowly. Last week I lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 pounds. I am close to being back up to speed; as can be seen by the past few days of food. One of the things that has really helped me get back on track has been my workouts. I've always enjoyed exercising when I actually get my (sometimes) lazy self up to do it... and becoming more athletic and active has been one of my major goals since the get go (well that and the clothes... sigh, the clothes) ;-)

Previously the best I could do running would be to jog for a few minutes - maybe five at the most and then I would have to stop and walk the rest of the way. Well a few weeks ago I decided to try to do one of the programs on my treadmill just for something different. It forced me to do some jogging and I realized that I could do much more than I thought I could. I don't run too fast, but I do keep the treadmill at a respectable incline (isn't it supposed to be better for your knees?) and the other day I jogged for a decent (to me) 25 minutes straight. It's new and fun and I get an awesome workout. I'm going to work on increasing my speed and endurance and maybe someday actually try running outside - although I enjoy watching the treadmill count all of the calories I'm burning. :-)

I really want to transform myself into an athlete. I often find myself fantasizing about winning/being given a ridiculous amount of money and winning the HGTV Dream Home so that I can quit my job and spend my winters skiing and my summers hiking and kayaking and white water rafting. The first thing I'd purchase with my riches? Well, that'd be a 57 Chevy Bel-Air, but the second would be an Endless Pool so that I can swim whenever I want no matter what the weather is like. I think that I would train for and compete in the Xterra Triathlons, which is something I can still do living my normal life. I just have to keep plodding along on this weight loss road. Exercise just became double-duty: 1)weight-loss facilitation and 2) triathlon training. Sweet!

Hey! So guess what? I’ve been totally sucking these past few weeks. I’m sure it’s no surprise since that’s pretty much what we all think is happening when we don’t hear from a weight loss blogger. I don’t think that it is a coincidence that I did my best with my weight loss when I was making it a priority to blog every day. I really need to start doing that again.

Tuesday afternoon I got a call from someone from DrFuhrman.com asking me to be a guest caller on Dr. F’s internet radio show Nutritional Wisdom on Wednesday. The topic was “Why all diets fail” which I found a little ironic because I’ve been feeling like I’m on the failing side of things lately, but because I have a tough time saying no to anyone, I agreed to do it. For the rest of that day and the next morning I went back and forth with myself about actually doing it or not and thinking about what I would say if I did do it. Some of the things that went through my head were about how much better I feel both physically and mentally when I’m eating ETL foods and how much that it has improved my life. I did end up calling in and it went ok I think – the hubby says that he will use the recording of the show as blackmail fodder. In case you missed it and want to hear me being nervous out of my mind and probably coming across pretty geeky click here and select the 2/7/07 show.


I am glad that it happened because as I said it really highlighted the reasons why I’m doing this as well as the fact that it really works. Despite this I haven’t been able to say no to junk food lately either. I’ll do well for breakfast and lunch and then blow it by having a cookie or a totally bad dinner. I miss the feeling of seeing my weight go down every week instead of seeing the scale stay pretty much the same or go up.

I know that when I stick to ETL it works for me. So why can’t I just stick to it?

Not being able to stick to it just makes me feel bad about myself. Most of the time the food isn’t that satisfying and/or it makes me feel physically bad so why do I keep eating it? It’s not even a matter of not liking ETL food – because I do. I just have to stop. I just have to be stronger. I know I can do it, so I will do it.

An added incentive for me to really be strict with myself is that we just planned a vacation to a warm place for the middle of March – the time when winter has got you beat – and I’d really like to be able to buy some new clothes to take with me from the normal sized part of a store like Old Navy. I’m so close to being able to fit into the normal clothes and not the Women’s or Plus clothes and I’d really like to be able to do that for our vacation. I think that if I am back on track and really stick with things then I will be able to do it. I really hate setting goals but I just can’t avoid this one. I don’t think that it’s an unreachable goal and I’m not going to attach a target weight to it and I have a feeling that this is a goal that I am going to meet.

The other day Kim asked this question:

"I was wondering if you had tried any of the recipes from the E2L book that weren't soup oriented... I sometimes wonder how filling soup alone can be. Is there a reason why you tend towards a very "liquidy" E2L? Just curious. :)"

I went to post a comment to answer; but I ended up writing a book and thought it would make a half-way decent post, so here goes:

Two recipes that I have tried that aren't soups are the Mexican Lasagna/Enchilada Casserole and an Eggplant Lasagna (using eggplant instead of noodles) from Fat Free Vegan. They were both very good and I would make them again. Other non-soup dishes I have made are steamed veggies with some seasonings and a little bit of Braggs and also wraps with hummus and other veggies.

I realize that I usually make soups and haven’t tried too many non-soup dishes; I have found that I really like soup and it can be very filling. I like to make soups which include beans to get in my daily allotment of beans and make the soup more filling than it would be without the beans. Since I try my best to stay away from grains and starchy veggies soups are a good and easy way for me to get these things in.

Another reason that I have gravitated toward a "liquidy" ETL diet it for ease and simplicity. I'm not a morning person, so putting all of my frozen fruit and banana together on the weekends and making a quick smoothie to take to work with me on weekdays works very well. For me, soup is also easy to make ahead and freeze in individual containers to take to work for lunch. Since I’m the only person in my household who is ETLing, it’s more convenient for me to make one thing on the weekend and eat it throughout the week rather than cooking something every night.

In my early ETLing days I did try to eat all my food whole – whole fruits and big salads and huge bowls of steamed veggies. Over time I evolved into a system that I am very happy with (when temptation doesn’t get the better of me). I prefer to eat a “liquidy” ETL because it’s what works for me. The food still retains all of its nutrients and fiber but is just easier to ingest. I prefer not to take an hour and a half to eat breakfast – but that’s just me. I think that everyone has to figure out how to make the plan work for them. I’m in a place right now where I am very happy with the formula I’ve come up with but it took a while to get here.

I’ve never felt that I have the patience or time to cook a different meal every night… I guess that’s part of the reason that I used to have a vegetarian diet made up of a lot of frozen food and take out. Not healthy! Now I have a much healthier diet that is for the most part just as simple as it was before.

In other news - still trying to get back on track - it's tough but I am getting back into the right mindset. I had a few good days this week and a few not-so-good days too. I've made some good decisions and some not so good. Each day I am trying my best and each day will get better and better.

Been doing ok with this new resolution...

Monday:
Breakfast: smoothie (spinach, blueberries, banana, strawberries and flax)
Lunch: Blended Green Soup
Dinner: Salad (lettuce, red onion, balsamic vinegar, walnuts, a little bit of blue cheese) and then some of hubby's hot chocolate and some cereal with soy milk

Exercise: None
Fuhrmometer: Lentil


Tuesday:
Breakfast: smoothie
Lunch: Blended Green Soup and a small handful of popcorn
Pre-workout: small spoon of peanut butter
Dinner: Salad (same as before) and *cringe* ice cream bar

Exercise: 65 min Yourself!Fitness
Fhurmometer: Lentil/Eggplant

cracking down

I don’t really like to admit it; but I am a competitive person. This usually doesn’t come out in the traditional sense, like when playing games or racing or something… for me, it’s about intelligence and success. Where does this tie into weight loss? Well, I guess I am a competitive dieter.

I’ve been struggling to have consistent weight loss for a few months now. I lost my first 50 pounds in just over 3 months. It’s been over 4 months since then and I’ve only managed to get another 20 pounds off. The only reason for this is that I haven’t been strict enough with what I eat. I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted throughout the holidays and then the kitchen remodel. For the past few weeks since we’ve been able to use the kitchen again I’ve been doing better but not great. When it gets to be the weekend it’s been all too easy to just eat bad food and let the “screw it” mentality take over. To add insult to injury I haven’t been working out consistently either.

There are many weight loss blogs that I love to read; not only to learn about the experiences and thoughts of others as they lose weight and learn about their relationship with food but also as a measure of how I am doing compared to others. It’s a stupid thing to do but it does keep me going. I’ve been stalled for nearly two months now and am jealous of the rest of the world who made it through the holidays with losses or successfully got back on track weeks ago. I’m sick of myself and my lack of willpower and discipline. I’m pissed at myself that I’ve let myself lag behind in this self-imposed race.

I want to lose another 50 like the first 50. I want to break out of the 200’s more than anything. I want to have the discipline back that I had in the beginning. I need to crack down on myself.

This all seems like a major contradiction to my last post doesn’t it? I think on the surface it can appear that way; but at the same time – caring more about nutrition now than before and wanting to get the scale moving again can be two very separate things. I have been too laid back about things for the past few weeks and I need to get back to work.

My newest goal – six weeks of nothing but ETL – no ice cream, no chips, no pizza and no wraps from the HFS. My only non-ETL exception? Salad from a restaurant and a little bit of blue cheese on my dinner salads. I know I can do it. Also – I will back to posting daily what I eat and my workouts. Starting NOW!

the inner dialogue

A few weeks ago; I decided to try out bringing my soup with me to have for lunch instead of having it for dinner. I had been bringing salad or a blended salad for lunch since I started ETLing last June and it works out better some days than others. I thought that if I have warm and filling soup for lunch it will help me not make excuses to go get lunch from the Natural Foods store or eat the random junk food that sometimes finds its way into the office kitchen.

So the plan has been working well and today I had a breakthrough. I've talked before about the delicious but not necessarily healthy wraps at the Natural Foods store which is coincidentally right down the street from my office. In the past I have had trouble staying away from these wraps. I get the idea of them in my head and sometimes its hard for me to say no and eat my planned lunch. The thought of them just tortures me until I give in and go get one. Sometimes I feel guilty about it; sometimes I feel icky after eating it; and sometimes I enjoy it. But I always know that I'm not eating as healthy as I should.

Here's the part about the breakthrough. Today I brought some of my blended greens and lentil soup (two posts down) with me for lunch but I thought in the back of my head that maybe I would get a wrap for lunch and save the soup for another day. Usually this is the point where I can't get the thought of the wrap out of my head and have to go get it to stop torturing myself; but today the inner me said "No, I really want to have delicious and nutritious green soup for lunch." instead of going on and on about the wrap. BREAKTHROUGH! The soup for lunch technique works!

I think that I am *finally* getting to a point in my ETLing where I am out of the diet mentality and am more focused on just eating good healthy food. I am more concerned with making sure that I get in as much raw and leafy greens into all my meals rather than how many pounds I am going to lose this week or when I will hit my target weight. It took 7 months to get to this point; and for a long time I didn't think that I would. Now I can really say that Eat to Live is a lifestyle for me and not a diet tool. Once I do reach my goal weight I will surely keep this up for life. It feels so good to be able to say that and really truely believe it.

Picture Pages: Kitchen

DISCLAIMER: The pics aren't formatted correctly right now but I will update with better ones. I just had to post some pics!


As much of a before as I have... note the hole in the sophet (sp?) and the already peeled wallpaper amongst other destruction :-)

Before - left. Yes, I did pick out the ORANGE orange paint and no, I don't know why.

Before - right. We have a small and narrow kitchen so I have to stand in the dining room to take the pictures.

View into the kitchen from the dining room through the old (narrow!) doorway and the useless little window thingie. We got rid of the window and widened up the doorway.

My Grandpa (he's 87 and still helping with the construction proejcts) with the cabinet-less kitchen.

Just the studs.

Another view of the gutted kitchen.

Back to looking like a "real" room again!

Finally I get to paint!

Cabinets back in, new countertop in, pot rack is up... VitaMix back in it's rightful place. It's gonna be so nice!

We still have to tile the floor and backsplash and finish the cabinets. It took us a while to decide how we want to finish them but we've finally made up our minds. More pictures as things get wrapped up!

Recipe!

We are STILL remodeling the kitchen! Right now we do have use of the sink and stove and I have some counter space so I have been back on ETL as of the beginning of this week. With the holidays and a week of eating nothing but fast food and cereal, I gained more than I'd care to say. The good news is that since Sunday I have lost half of what I gained and am feeling SO much better now that I am eating REAL food again :-)

Here is the recipe for an easy soup that I made. I needed something that had minimal prep and could be cooked in one pot. It also had to include veggies and beans and I really wanted to make something with Kale and a lot of other super-nutritious greens in it. Here's what I came up with; it's actually a lot better than I was expecting - although I think it needs more garlic!
Nicole's Green Soup
Yield: 6 (generous) servings

4 c Veggie Broth + 2 to 4 c water
1 head of garlic, cloves crushed
1 lb green lentils
1 bunch kale, rinsed and thick stems cut off
1 bunch collards, rinsed and thick stems cut off
1 bunch bok choy, rinsed and broken/torn into pieces
Some frozen spinach
1 14.5 oz can no-salt canned tomatoes

1. Heat veggie broth and water in soup pot while cleaning and trimming all of the greens and crushing all of the garlic.
2. Put the garlic and the lentils in the pot and bring to a boil, add the greens to the top to steam.
3. Simmer until lentils are tender and greens are soft.
4. Blend in batches, add diced tomatoes to a batch or stir them in at the end to leave them chunky.

I like to add some Bragg's Liquid Aminos to this at meal time; it adds a nice dimension to the soup.

More soon; especially pictures of the kitchen!

Under Construction

Happy New Year everyone!

I am not quitting blogging or Eat to Live - but I have been on hiatus from both due to the holidays and a complete remodel of our kitchen (that we are doing ourselves with some help from my parents and Grandpa). We ripped everything out and are in the process of putting things back in. Right now we have new lighting installed and the wiring and drywall are in. Our refrigerator is the only appliance that is still running (and it has been doing so in the dining room). I plan to get right back into things as soon as I can use the new kitchen - and I really can't wait! I was laying in bed last night wishing that I could wake up and make a smoothie to bring to work with me this morning; I really miss them and my blended salads. I hope that we will have a useable kitchen by the end of the upcoming weekend. We've been taking pictures - I'll post them sometime soon.

My New Year's Resolution is to be more positive and not let the negativity of others (this is mostly at work) bother me as much. Do you have a New Year's Resolution? What is it?

ETL Angels

A BIG thank you to everyone who left me a comment from yesterday's post, your encouragement means so much to me and I am so very very lucky to have readers like all of you!


Here is how today went:
Breakfast: smoothie
Lunch: Italian-ish Stew, 2 small Christmas cookies
Dinner: Blended Salad

Exercise: 30 minute walk with Cammie, 30 min treadmill, 30 min Yourself!Fitness

Fuhrmometer: Broccoli

I'm giving myself Broccoli today because I did have the cookies at lunch but later I threw the rest of the cookies out instead of having one. I had a stressed out moment and was going to have a big cookie but I didn't; I just tossed them --hopefully no one at work was upset about it!

I'm trying something a little different with my meals this week, instead of having my salad or blended salad for lunch I'm talking my hot meal. I think that it will help me not want to go out and get lunch and it also cuts down on my am food prep time. So far it's working out well; I haven't thought about not eating the food I've brought with me :-)

Last night and tonight I was tempted not to eat a real dinner and out of laziness have cashews instead of my blended salad. Then something amazing happened; my little ETL angel appeared on my shoulder and said "But think about all of the nutrients you'll miss!" AND I AGREED!!! I am so happy that I thought about nutrition rather than ease or time or anything else. I feel like it was a great breakthrough for me.

Cammie likes my blended salads too - I think this is really funny. She's such an awesome pup.

lately...

...I haven’t been very consistent with posting. I’ve been considering not blogging anymore and just continuing on without writing about things. Ultimately I’ve decided that I do want to continue blogging and that I need to get back to blogging daily. I think that writing about my food and exercise and other experiences daily will help keep my head in the game. It won’t always be interesting; but it’s what I need to do.
Last week was not a good week. It wasn’t good at work and it wasn’t good on the ETL front either. There were two work Christmas parties, one at which I ate whatever I wanted and the other at which I didn’t eat anything. Plus all the other stresses coerced me into eating not good food. I kept on trying to eat better but it just never happened. I didn’t even bother to weigh myself on Sunday morning because I just don’t want to know. I am going to be much much better this week, I finally realized yesterday that one of the reasons that I’ve been feeling crappy lately is that I have been eating junk. I know that I feel so much better physically and psychologically when I am eating well that it really is a good incentive not to eat junk food.

Something that all of this recent stress has made me think about a lot is why I eat and why I’m overweight. I wish I were a person who is programmed to eat when hungry and not think about food when I’m not hungry; but I’m not. I think about food entirely too much and when I’m not mindful of it I will eat when I’m bored or if something sounds good or if I’m lonely or if I’m stressed. I talk myself into eating bad food all too easily and it’s all to easy to eat too much. In the past I used to sneak food – I can remember sneaking downstairs at night after everyone else in the house was asleep and making food. Now when I think about doing this at least there is a voice inside me that says “Who are you hiding from? You’re the one that’s not going to lose weight by doing this.” Whether or not I always listen to that voice is another story… The thing is, I know that overtime I have developed these unhealthy food habits and that they need to be changed. Some people would say that they are a food addict because of these things – I don’t want to label myself as an addict and make the excuse that these impulses can’t be changed – I know they can and I will change them. Writing about it and admitting it (as tough as it is) helps.

One of the highlights (no really!) of last week was on Thursday when I took a half day at work to get out and enjoy the 55 degree weather (in Western New York, in the middle of December!) with Cammie. We took a walk in a park that’s kind of close to home… what an eventful walk! I had to pee in the woods (first time and hopefully last) and also ended up losing my car & house keys in the park. We ended up walking home and asking a neighbor to borrow her phone so I could call hubby who had to leave a friend in a lurch and fight rush-hour traffic to come home and let me in. Then hubby and I went back to the park (in the dark! I kept on thinking Blair Witch Project) to look for the keys (we had a flashlight). No, we didn’t find them but we did have a spare set. I think I walked for somewhere in the 7 to 8 mile range that day. The best part was when we got home Hubby asked Cammie if she wanted to go for a walk and she started wagging her tail – that doggie just LOVES to take walks!

attitude

I’m not sure how often I’ve said it here; but I say it to my students all the time. Attitude is one of the biggest factors of success. It sounds corny, but I truly believe it and have experienced it. When one approaches a task with a positive attitude the chance that he or she is going to successfully complete that task is towering over someone with a negative attitude.

When I was in college I had to take Calculus, it was a degree requirement. In high school I didn’t think I was a math person, and I let it get in the way of doing well in Math and Science and on those lovely lovely standardized tests, if only I could go back and approach high school with a positive attitude. But the point here isn’t about high school… it’s about college. So the first time I took Calculus I had a bad attitude and projected it onto the professor. I felt I couldn’t learn anything from him and ended up just stopping going to class. Needless to say I had an F in the class. Two years later I took the class again; this time with a positive approach. I told myself that I would do all of the homework and practice questions every day and would ask for help if there was something I didn’t understand. I had a positive approach to the class and the professor and had a much better experience. I ended up getting a B or B+ (I can’t remember which) in the class which is amazing for someone who didn’t think that she was a “math person.”

I’ve tried to lose weight before as well. I don’t think that I approached it with the right positive attitude. I was full of “I hope I lose weight” and “If I get this weight off.” There was doubt that I would be able to be successful, and it turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. This go-round, I do not allow myself to say “I hope” it’s “I will” and so on. This time I know I am going to be successful and keep in mind that eating according to Eat to Live is the healthiest thing that I can do for my body, that the food does taste good, and that I enjoy exercising. I’m not just telling myself these things figuring that they will sink in eventually; I really do believe them.

This doesn’t mean that the road is not long and rough. I do feel disappointed when I end up caving to myself and eating food that I shouldn’t. Eating for comfort and stress relief is something that I do have to get a grip on, and will. Sometimes I do get feeling down about my progress, especially when I get into these places where I struggle to get the scale moving. Losing weight is tough, and I want to be as honest about my experience as possible. It’s not all good, but I do try to find the positive. I’m sorry if sometimes this doesn’t come through, I will be more vigilant about it in the future.

There are other factors aside from food that come into play. A lifetime of living as a fat girl doesn’t do much for one’s self-confidence and in my case has made me a shy and introverted person. I prefer being by myself or with hubby, my close family and very very good friends and am very uncomfortable with strangers or large crowds. I do feel much better about my appearance already and know that that feeling will continue to grow as I continue to lose weight. I think that feeling better about my appearance will allow me to increase self-confidence and help me to become a more outgoing person in the future – I just need to approach it with a positive attitude.

Thank you to the Anonymous commenter from Monday’s post for getting me thinking about all of this. If nothing else; I need to keep in mind that I am no longer a 300lb miserable and hopeless person and that I’ve got a lot to be excited about.

The image is one of my favorite paintings, it is “New York Movie" by Edward Hopper.

six months

Today:
Breakfast: smoothie
Lunch: wrap from HFS
Dinner: hummus on pita, blended salad

Exercise: 30 min walk with Cammie

Fuhrmometer Reading: Lentil

No news to report regarding last week's weigh in. I stayed the same, which I suppose is ok for sort of going down hill at the end of the week. I missed my -75 by the six month mark, very disappointing. It has finally showed me that I have to stop setting goals like this for myself because despite my best efforts sometimes I just can't meet them. I am through with setting lose X amount by Y date goals and competing in challenges. The only goals and challenges I have anymore are to work as hard as I can to be as healthy as I can. I will lose the weight; but I will not impose a time limit on myself to do it in.

Today I was about to put the breaks on and say that I would just do my best for the next few weeks but not be so strict with myself. I was feeling so tired and burnt out about everything. I feel like I'm always running and I always have so much to do. This lifestyle takes a lot of time to prep the food and plan meals and exercise that I feel like I never get any time to just rest and veg out. My weekends are full and my weekdays are stressful. I just wanted some time to rest.

Then I looked at my pants. They look hideous... they are way too big and do not make me feel good at all. These same pants were so tight six months ago that I felt like a sausage stuffed into them. Not fun. And then I thought about the 4 pairs of pants from the Gap and the cute little herringbone pattern skirt that are hanging in my closet waiting for me to drop a few more pounds so I can wear them and I didn't want to coast anymore. I want to get back on the losing track. I want to be able to wear those clothes sooner than later!

I know it's kind of silly to be motivated by clothes but it helps me. Hubby and I were at the mall this weekend and it was nice to walk by the stores I used to shop in (like Lane Bryant) and say to hubby "I never have to shop there again!" It was also nice to be able to go to the mall and not feel as self-conscious as I would have before. Things have changed for the better by quite a bit and I've got to keep those things in mind.

this post is about food

Today:
Breakfast: Smoothie
Lunch: Blended Salad
Dinner: Spicy Red Lentil Soup, Cereal with Soy Milk

Exercise: rest day

Fuhrmometer Reading: Broccoli

Well I had a 5 Kale Day streak that I broke yesterday by having a wrap for lunch. I had been thinking about it for a few days and was having a rough day at work and just finally let myself have it. It was an emotional craving and I actually did start to feel better after I had it. The rest of the day was good; I didn't just chuck the rest of the day, which is something I've had a tendency to do in the past.

I read today on the Biggest Loser website that they think it's ok to have a cheat meal once a week so that one doesn't feel deprived and keeps up their motivation. The same article said that cheat meals help your body not to fall into a rut by eating around the same amount of calories all the time - it helps to keep you losing. I don't know if the claim about throwing a caloric curve ball at your body is based on any kind of scientific fact; but I really like the idea of allowing myself one cheat meal per week. Not a cheat DAY, not 4 trips to the buffet, just one cheat meal to keep me honest and keep my motivation going. I think it will help out my mental game. If it starts to effect me in other ways or on the scale we'll have to revisit this idea.

I'm feeling really creative in the kitchen lately and am itching to have some time to get in there and cook. Next week we are having our office Holiday party and I am bringing all ETL stuff. Here's what I plan on making: hummus, green velour dressing, and ETL Caesar Dressing to go with various veggies and whole wheat pita; so I stay away from the bad desserts I am going to make Date-Nut Truffles. More on the truffles when I make them. I also have some ideas for making an ETL mushroom stroganoff, which I'd really really like to make soon; because if it comes out the way I am imagining it, it's gonna be delicious.

Well I'm off to curl up with hubby and puppy and watch some TV. More later!